Let Me Cry

You should cry all the pain, cry all the sadness, cry the tragedies, and cry everything.  Cry all the pain; take it out because it takes the place of your happiness, of love. When you cry, you not only cry the pain but also the hate, the resentment, the frustration…you empty everything.  When you cry, you water and maybe something may flourish. Each tear brings a lesson. Every tear is a part of you that dies. Every tear is a part of you that want to be reborn.

After you cry it all, all the sadness, the loneliness; you will understand that things are just the way they are and not because of that it means its bad.

Things are the way they are…beautiful, hard, unexplained, complicated. There is everything in life…obstacles, happiness, troubles…cry a lot but then laugh because that what hope does. Cry everything you hope for but smile knowing what may come.

Later than Expected

You should know how to wait for good things. When what you want takes time for it to happen, the desire builds up and your heart prepares itself to live what you been waiting for … There are so many things that happen after what you expect and that brings anxiety and frustration… When you least expect it, life surprises you with the things you enjoy the best. When you know what it’s coming is good, waiting is not an agony but a “party”…To know how to wait is to know how to desire. The desire becomes stronger when you take the time to desire because you can feel it. Will be today, tomorrow, in some time, later maybe even later than expected? The best moments in life are like awakenings and, fill of surprises, beauty, magic, sweetness, and complicity. The greatest moments in life are fill of accelerated hearts fill with interruptions within. The important moments are full of tickles, sweaty hands and illusions. The greatest moments in life usually happens later than expected...

Lessosns Learned by C.U

There's some things that I regret Some words I wish had gone unsaid Some starts that had some better endings Been some bad times I've been through Damage I cannot undoSome things, I wish I could do all all over again But it don't really matter, life gets that much harder It makes you that much stronger Some pages turned, some bridges burned But there were lessons learned Every tear that had to fall from my eyes

Everyday I wonder how I get through the night Every change, life has thrown me I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every time Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

There's mistakes that I have made Some chances I just threw away Some roads, I never should've taken Been some signs I shouldn't see Hearts that I hurt needlessly Some roads that I wish I could have one more chance to make But it don't make no difference The past can't be rewritten, you get the life you're given

All the things that break you, all the things that make you strong
You can't change the past, 'cause it's gone And nothing's gotta go, because they are gone
Lessons learned

Figther Vs Quitter

Tonight is one of those nights were everything I have lived so far has come back to haunt me. I have mix feelings about everything. A little war between my heart and brain, my logic and emotions. I feel so guilty by hurting the people I love the most specially my mom and Mr A-2 plus other people... I am sure they know it was never my intention. Sometimes it looks that its the one of the many things I bring to the table, "pain". I still feel so guilty by not being the one next to my mothers during her last moments, but I am sure she understand the bigger picture now that she can see everything....
I feel I savage my own happiness but when I actually try to fix it, things do not change. Then, why keep trying? why giving my all ? I know I do it because that's me and I want to but there will always be that little voice saying " is there any point by doing it? just give up!"Even though sometimes I doubt if I deserve to be happy[ in all aspects], I am completely sure I do...People say God gives the toughest tests to the people who have the most magic destiny, I wonder which one is mine...
I know I am a very strong woman. I have been through so much these past years and handle it in way I didn't expect at all. I am a professional and have a bright future but still I am a human being who can break from time to time even though some people forget about that. Even though I keep on going, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me. I love to be the "shelter" for my family, friends, relatives, the people I love. Yet, sometimes I would like them to see I am fragile too. Not to be so tough on me when I actually break down or get emotional but just hug me and try to understand what I might be feeling. People just don't get it and they wont.I can take that from certain people [NOT ALL so dont take me for granted -_- ]...

This December will be like no other. I would have to "women up" and take drastic decisions about my life. My moms passing will definitely something I have to start digesting and processing in many different ways as well as how I want my life to be in my near future. I know I will keep following my heart and pursuing my happiness. Some people would realize the way I change and what it means when it might be too late but it will not be on me because I have done my part already. I will keep being a fighter even though I will give up some stuff... I will know if it was the best decision in due time. Still destiny will always bring to my life what its meant to be whether it is in hours, days, weeks, months or even years [know it by experience].
Time to wait and see what the last weeks of this year have for me....

What we left unsaid, where does it go?...

Do you know where do words unsaid go? What you want to do but don’t, where does it go? Where does what you want to say but don’t go? Where does what you don’t let yourself feel go? We would like that what we didn’t say would be forgotten but it just bottle up inside us. It fills our souls with silent screams.

What we left unspoken is transformed into insomnia, sore throat nostalgia, wrong timing.  What we left unspoken end up being a debt, an unfinished story. What we left unsaid will become dissatisfaction, sadness, and frustration. What we left unspoken will not die but will “kill us”. What they do not say is transformed into trauma, a poison that kills the soul. What we don’t say will lock you in the past. What we don’t say becomes an open wound.