It can suck but it's alright

Nowadays everyone is so worry about giving the right impression about themselves or their lives- Guilty of charge at times...People think that they must be happy and smiling all the time otherwise they are not "living" or something must be "terribly wrong". Don't say how you feel, people don't care. Do you even gain anything from pretending? Appearances vs reality... I call BS!
I still don't get why people hesitate so much to show real, raw and true emotions. Why people just can't say "I'm not good today" without getting a gasp of air as reaction? Why do we have to pretend to have our lives together 100% of the time? The grass is always greener on the other side till you get to the other side.. isn't this true?
Life is difficult, complicated and twisted as hell. Some things will happen as we planned and want..others will just hit us in the face with the biggest lessons whether we asked for them or not... Growing up sucks but it can be wonderful at the same time. The trick is how you perceive things and what you do with it... Easy? Hell to the no! worth it ? Most of the time even after a few tears...
Every now and then, I try to stop and analyze what I've been going through. Check up on myself whether it is regarding something good, bad or in between. I will say is something pretty healthy I learned throughout the years and experiences. It helps me focus on what it is important and "have control of". I am learning how to express my feelings, insecurities and thoughts. Believe me it is very hard for me to open up even when I am doing it to someone I love... those vulnerable moments scare every cel in my body...
Not long ago I ask my dad what he thinks of me as a person leaving on the side I am his daughter. What he said shocked me... He said "You're a good person but you need to stop thinking everyone is out to hurt you."I was not expecting it but at the same time somehow I knew it... I've always put up walls to avoid people using or hurting me; but at the end of the day it may still happen so what is the point of stopping myself from feeling and enjoying the good? At times, when everything is too good to be true, I get so much anxiety because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop... At that moment, I lose sight of whats important which is enjoying that precious happiness...
Breaking the idea society has made us believe of smiling all the time and perfect lives is not easy. Perfection does not exist and if it does is boring! We are evolving every day, every moment.For example,  I choose to smile as much as I can and try to be positive and grateful not because I want people to believe "that reality"; but I want to have the perspective which will allow me to grow and learn. I know some days will suck like no other and if you ask I will say it " hey I'm not ok" " I feel like the blues" "I'm irritable...not now" and all those answers are ok. I am a normal human who feels and reacts to different variables. I acknowledge those moments. I feel them and work through them to the best of my ability.
Life is full of good and bad experiences , good and bad people... The point is to take the best out of each situation. Learn not only from what you go through but the people who are part of your life. Every person is a different world twisted, imperfect but amazing at the same time. Lets stop trying to pretend we can control "everything" because it's false and it will stop you from living the present. It is ok not to be ok all the time because it allows you to grow internally even if you don't see it right this moment...
At almost 28 (lets hope I make it lol hey you never know), I have to say I am blessed -not lucky- to have amazing people in my life who make me feel loved, appreciated and supported. My circle is pretty damn small but it is what I need and want. I learn not only from each person but with them as well. I will be there for them  during good, bad and the in between as long as life and they allow me to.I am grateful for the scars because they help me see from a different point of view and be more appreciative of what I currently have in my life and who I am...still a long way to go and I am as ready as I can be... Let's keep working on being the best version of ourselves not only for us but for the ones we love the most...

Twisted and Twisting

Nowadays twisting things are way to easy and common. As I was talking to a friend, I realize most of us assume things instead of just asking. Sometimes may be because we say thing half way or are so busy trying to read between lines that sometimes the actual meaning get lost. Each person can have different interpretations for the same message...Here are some of my thoughts

1. Being a nice, polite - a gentleman /lady does not mean that person is flirting with you. If someone is actually flirting, they will make sure you notice.
2. Not because they are family, you should let them walk over you. Respect is mutual. 
3.  I don't wanna lose people I love but I will not hold to someone who may be breaking my heart and soul constantly. Whether you stay in my life or not, its up to YOU whether it is because you wanna leave or because your action make me lose respect for you. No matter how much I may love you, if I need to walk a away for a while or forever. I will.
4. I know I don't have a filter at times and what I say may come out wrong. Believe me the last thing I would do is hurt someone on purpose but I try to keep it honest. I'm learning how to be more aware of how my word can impact someone. Same message can be deliver in a nicer way.
5. What you  do to others, it is what you enable. If you cheat, you are enabling  the other person to cheat on you. if you disrespect someone, you enable that person to be rude and disrespectful to you.
6. If you want to come back but you are scare of what I would say/do, don't be. The door is always open. It will be on YOU whether or not to make a move and we go from there.
7. I may whine at time but I will still do what I gotta do. I'm not afraid of challenges.
   
8. I may have gone through some tough situations but I was not born a victim
9. I dont show affection easily but I'm not cold. I just need to feel safe before I open up to someone even more if deep feelings are involved.
10. Men and women can be friend LEGIT FRIENDS! People think that because they get along great and even have inside jokes; something must be happening. NO! it just people who get along and have a good vibe. Yes sometimes it can turn into something else but it is NOT a must.
11. If you don't like something, say it! Do not assume the other person will automatically know it even if they know you for a long time.
12. People don't change, they evolve. That's ok! as long as you keep being you not matter what it may bring. Sometimes some people may leave and other will come/come back. That's life! Put your cards on the table. You stay should be appreciated as much as they appreciate you for being honest with them and yourself.
13. Lastly, I know it is hard to be bold in this world that pressure you to just fit in. Get out of your comfort zone little by little as much as you are comfortable with. Do not let peer pressure fool you into do something you don't want or are not ready to. Always do what it is best for you and good things will follow as long as your intention are pure.