Love, love love...One small word, 4 letters but it makes you jump front and backwards. Love is so easy and complicated. Yet most of us still keep "looking" and hoping we can have that love story that will have no end. Today, at 30 years old, I can say my sense of love has been shaped and may not be the exact same from when I was younger.. I know ! It is just common sense since we are growing, adapting and hopefully maturing as we go through life.
At this point in my life, I know what I want & do not want; what I will put up with and what will make me run faster than you can think of. All this has been through heartaches and people's experiences. I have learned that before asking and thinking what " I want from someone", I have to be sure I can also give that to the person I pick as partner. I would like to date someone hardworking, faithful, respectful, family orientated honest, fun, romantic. Someone who is proud to have me as a partner and would show me off here and there. Someone who is willing to be a team and build a future together instead of run when there is an obstacle. I believe that is not too much since those qualities are just of a decent human being! Now, don't get me wrong, All I want in a person is what I bring to the table...
I recently went through the roughest heartbreak. No, the end was not dramatic or nasty at all. It was a notification not a conversation. Even tough I was not agreeing with his decision; I respected it. It has been rough because I believe he is "my one". God it hurts in such a different ways than any breakup before. He has been the only one I ever wanted to have a family with and was ready to commit to whatever life has throw at us. Those almost 2 years were full of hardships but also beautiful moments. He is currently going through self reflection and awakening that I can only understand and support. Unfortunately, he is dwelling in the past so much and hurting himself that he is not allowing me to be there for him and support him through this process.
In the beginning , I had conflicted feelings regarding his love for me. However, as time pass by maybe he loves me so much he is rescuing me from this process for now. Some processes we have to go through alone so we can come back stronger as a couple and individuals. I have no clue what the future holds. If at the moment he is emotionally stable , he realizes he feels the way I feel about him and comes back and ask for second chance Or if he only comes back for amends. The ball is on his court regarding that. I love and accept him with all his flaws, virtues and scars...
I fell peace because my love is pure. My intentions have been good; and I have supported him through it all. Ups, downs and in between. Leaving him was never an option. When the one you love is hurting, is the moment to show more love instead of knocking him when he is down like I saw some people do. He is my one and only and I have to set him free so if he is meant to be with me, he will be back and if not, I will love him forever from far. No demons or imperfections ever scared me away. Instead it made me love him stronger. Don't get it confused with co-dependency. I know I can live without him yet my heart wishes it otherwise. I have been working on myself this hole time without saying anything because I always knew that to love someone, I have to love me and be happy with myself. Otherwise, I cannot give my 100% like I always do.
The best way to proof and show my love for him will be to pray he continues to be healthy in every way and shape. I am leaving this love story on God's hands and on his as well. If our story continues, I will continue to work on being a good person and partner. In general, I will always continue to self reflect and grow because I deserve to be my best version of myself for myself and the ones who love me.
True love has a way of coming back... Let's see...
