Let Me Cry

You should cry all the pain, cry all the sadness, cry the tragedies, and cry everything.  Cry all the pain; take it out because it takes the place of your happiness, of love. When you cry, you not only cry the pain but also the hate, the resentment, the frustration…you empty everything.  When you cry, you water and maybe something may flourish. Each tear brings a lesson. Every tear is a part of you that dies. Every tear is a part of you that want to be reborn.

After you cry it all, all the sadness, the loneliness; you will understand that things are just the way they are and not because of that it means its bad.

Things are the way they are…beautiful, hard, unexplained, complicated. There is everything in life…obstacles, happiness, troubles…cry a lot but then laugh because that what hope does. Cry everything you hope for but smile knowing what may come.

Later than Expected

You should know how to wait for good things. When what you want takes time for it to happen, the desire builds up and your heart prepares itself to live what you been waiting for … There are so many things that happen after what you expect and that brings anxiety and frustration… When you least expect it, life surprises you with the things you enjoy the best. When you know what it’s coming is good, waiting is not an agony but a “party”…To know how to wait is to know how to desire. The desire becomes stronger when you take the time to desire because you can feel it. Will be today, tomorrow, in some time, later maybe even later than expected? The best moments in life are like awakenings and, fill of surprises, beauty, magic, sweetness, and complicity. The greatest moments in life are fill of accelerated hearts fill with interruptions within. The important moments are full of tickles, sweaty hands and illusions. The greatest moments in life usually happens later than expected...

Lessosns Learned by C.U

There's some things that I regret Some words I wish had gone unsaid Some starts that had some better endings Been some bad times I've been through Damage I cannot undoSome things, I wish I could do all all over again But it don't really matter, life gets that much harder It makes you that much stronger Some pages turned, some bridges burned But there were lessons learned Every tear that had to fall from my eyes

Everyday I wonder how I get through the night Every change, life has thrown me I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every time Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

There's mistakes that I have made Some chances I just threw away Some roads, I never should've taken Been some signs I shouldn't see Hearts that I hurt needlessly Some roads that I wish I could have one more chance to make But it don't make no difference The past can't be rewritten, you get the life you're given

All the things that break you, all the things that make you strong
You can't change the past, 'cause it's gone And nothing's gotta go, because they are gone
Lessons learned

Figther Vs Quitter

Tonight is one of those nights were everything I have lived so far has come back to haunt me. I have mix feelings about everything. A little war between my heart and brain, my logic and emotions. I feel so guilty by hurting the people I love the most specially my mom and Mr A-2 plus other people... I am sure they know it was never my intention. Sometimes it looks that its the one of the many things I bring to the table, "pain". I still feel so guilty by not being the one next to my mothers during her last moments, but I am sure she understand the bigger picture now that she can see everything....
I feel I savage my own happiness but when I actually try to fix it, things do not change. Then, why keep trying? why giving my all ? I know I do it because that's me and I want to but there will always be that little voice saying " is there any point by doing it? just give up!"Even though sometimes I doubt if I deserve to be happy[ in all aspects], I am completely sure I do...People say God gives the toughest tests to the people who have the most magic destiny, I wonder which one is mine...
I know I am a very strong woman. I have been through so much these past years and handle it in way I didn't expect at all. I am a professional and have a bright future but still I am a human being who can break from time to time even though some people forget about that. Even though I keep on going, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me. I love to be the "shelter" for my family, friends, relatives, the people I love. Yet, sometimes I would like them to see I am fragile too. Not to be so tough on me when I actually break down or get emotional but just hug me and try to understand what I might be feeling. People just don't get it and they wont.I can take that from certain people [NOT ALL so dont take me for granted -_- ]...

This December will be like no other. I would have to "women up" and take drastic decisions about my life. My moms passing will definitely something I have to start digesting and processing in many different ways as well as how I want my life to be in my near future. I know I will keep following my heart and pursuing my happiness. Some people would realize the way I change and what it means when it might be too late but it will not be on me because I have done my part already. I will keep being a fighter even though I will give up some stuff... I will know if it was the best decision in due time. Still destiny will always bring to my life what its meant to be whether it is in hours, days, weeks, months or even years [know it by experience].
Time to wait and see what the last weeks of this year have for me....

What we left unsaid, where does it go?...

Do you know where do words unsaid go? What you want to do but don’t, where does it go? Where does what you want to say but don’t go? Where does what you don’t let yourself feel go? We would like that what we didn’t say would be forgotten but it just bottle up inside us. It fills our souls with silent screams.

What we left unspoken is transformed into insomnia, sore throat nostalgia, wrong timing.  What we left unspoken end up being a debt, an unfinished story. What we left unsaid will become dissatisfaction, sadness, and frustration. What we left unspoken will not die but will “kill us”. What they do not say is transformed into trauma, a poison that kills the soul. What we don’t say will lock you in the past. What we don’t say becomes an open wound.

L.O.V.E

After two of the people closest to me (Nataly [bff] & Francisco [bro]) pushing me to talk about love, i finally wrote this lol Amazing feeling that can bring many smiles or many tears depending on your individual experience(s) but for sure it leaves you memories and lessons you will never forget. I am 22 [ yet feeling like 30 lol ] and have not had many experiences when it comes to it. However, I rather have quality experiences than quantity. This does not mean every experience was amazing. Hey, I had a couple for heartbreaks as well. I gotta say it frustrates me that for some people it is easy to use the word "LOVE" when they want to express their feeling without even realizing whether it is love or not. So maybe I should start by giving my personal definition about love.

L.O.V.E, the feeling we all go after yet some have and take for granted; and others live loving the one they cant have for whatever reason.  It is so simple but complicated at the same time. There are "formulas" for it yet not all of them workout. Love is having deep feelings for that special one not only physically- attraction or lust-but also actually like, love and accept the whole person. Even though when you are in love, you want to be with the one you love no matter what, you will not be selfish. Love is caring about that person and want the best for them even if it means to walk away and let them go. However, you will give everything in your power to make it work before "giving up" will be an option to consider. True love will never die even if the relationship ends. Yet it will be transformed in a special appreciation for that person and what you both lived together.
So far I've been in love twice in my life. Funny story both people share the same first name initial haha thats why I will call them Mr. A-1 and Mr. A-2 :) for privacy reasons plus they already know the stories lol...Let's Start 1,2,3,go!
Innocent love with Mr.A-1 I was in my senior year back in H.S. With only 16 years old I had my first true love. It was pretty innocent and amazing. He was/is a very amazing guy. Hey! thats why I ended up loving him even though he had to work for it because I was an stubborn lady. We were together for a year and the relationship was one of the best one I've had. We went through so much together but always together and trying to support each other in every way possible. The only reason why it ended was because I decided to move here (US). I don't know if it would have lasted longer or not or we could have gotten married ( joke) We are still friends and we will be there for each other during the darkest moments even after each one of us has followed the path we did. I will always care for him and his happiness. I am glad he is happy. I am sure his son will always be proud of him because he is working so hard to give him the best in the world.
Wake up love with Mr. A-2 So after 5 years, dated couple other guys and some heartbreaks; I met this guy. Gotta say every single guy I have ever dated is different from each other but this one was definitely DIFFERENT in many ways ( good ones though). I believe opposite poles attract each other because they will complement each other [at least in this case]. We were friends for about 6 months before we started dating. He broke some walls I had built up to protect myself which scare every single bone in my body and this is why I call this love story "wake up love" . It was the first time I have ever discussed about a future with someone and actually picture it and all. He has helped me to see things I didn't before and been there for me as much as he can. He means the world to me and whatever happens in our lives will never destruct this feeling. I will always be there for him to support him in everything I can. Hopefully the role I will have in his life is the same that I want but If not, I am sure he will be happy because he deserves it.
After the drastic changes I have gone through lately, I feel I have been blessed with the people I was/ have been in love, the ones who are closed to me ( friends & relatives) and everything I have. I am definitely a very strong person who will follow her heart and pursuit her happiness in every aspect of my life (personal, professional and family). I hope one of my many dreams ( having my own family and children) will happen soon enough and also get far in life [career whise] because I want the people I love to be proud of me. Now I have two beautiful angels in heaven who will definitely guide my path.