17 sept 2014

Pack of three Theory...I am sure, am I?


Change is part of life. People come and go but some will stay. Paths cross for little, a while or "forever". Things can happen for a reason and/or just by chance. People come into your life mostly because there is a reason. Maybe it's something you gotta live, learn- though smiles or tears-, enjoy or all of the above. Yet how much do you actually pay attention and acknowledge this.

The past two to three years have been a process to get to know myself as deep as I can and get to know the people and anything that surrounds me that one way or another end up being part of my life. Now I know that some traits of my personality can tell stories about me. That I may have impacted some people's lives for better or for worst -sometimes not on propose- I know that the people that matter in my life were part of it because there was story behind what I lived or not with them- no matter what the link was-.
I don't believe people can change. The essence of someone will always be the same; however, I do believe people can improve themselves and be the best they can actually be. That battle will never be easy particularly because each one of us will have to fight our own demons.
Moving to another country, a whole new culture, has helped me grow and tested who I am and what I am made of. In my family, we always say the things come in pack of 3 and so far  it has been that way whether it is about good things or bad ones.  This “theory” is being proved once again since last year till the end of this year... Let me explain how/why…

The first trip [ last summer] was to deal about my present and everything  involved in it back then. I was on the crossroad in my life or at least that how I see it. It was a wake-up call in every aspect.  I won’t give details because they’re not necessary but the summary of it – in every point by the way- lol Family aspects, dealing with the last months my mom had. Professionally, I was entering my last semester as a senior. Finally, in my personal life, dating someone who I thought I could count on but the story proved otherwise in many ways and many times. Everything happened all at once I'm not blaming everything on anyone [my mom, life or my ex ] because I am aware I may not handle things properly besides the other facts on how things went down. However,  I thought I would have more support than what I actually had. Personal life had no support. When it comes to my family and professional life, I had to be the rock. This trip showed me that sometimes not because we are certain way to people they would appreciate it and act the same way, wrong! Friends or partners may not be as supportive as you can be during hard times. Some people can be there for you only on the bright days but won’t fight with you and by your side during the hardest battles.  Also, I learned that I have to be the rock no matter what because at some point I would have my family. I better learn to be it right now. Your responsibilities are important so you have to "suck it up" And keep on going. Life will not stop for you.

The second trip was the one I needed after everything went down and all the changes in my life happened all at once and it was time to process it. I got to grieve and push myself to face my new reality. I got my bachelors and made to the dean list which I am very proud of. Also, it was time to confront my “old” past and my recent past.  I had a deep and amazing talk with my last ex (back when I lived in my home country and I came to America for the first time). Even though we broke up around six years ago, we owe that conversation to ourselves. We talked about everything we lived together the good and the bad, why and how we broke up and handle it and all. Very nice to see that we can be friends. Glad to share his new life as a family guy. I understood that when it is true love, it never ends but only will be transformed in appreciation of those good memories. You will always care about that person. I know for a fact he loved me and would avoid anything that would hurt me. His support during my mom’s last months and after her death was appreciated. We have chosen different paths.. He is proud of me and I’m proud of him for being an amazing father to his children and family. On the other hand, my recent past needed to have some restrictions. I said part of what I have wanted to say (to be honest not even half of it). Even though that person wanted to be friends and keep in touch I couldn't... I needed distance. Things can’t be that way in the blink of an eye and even more when there is not a real mature talk like the one I previously mentioned. He really hurt me and his attitude was definitely not the best one so I decided to focus in me. Dealing with the recent past taught me I had to be a little selfish - at least in this situation- because the other person was over his head and didn't acknowledge what he caused. Before you point the finger at someone, point it at yourself. I forgive him because I don't want to have anger in my heart. I cannot say he will never be part of my present/future because last time I said that destiny slap me in the face lol. Maybe we will end up strangers, friends, more .. that only time,he and I will decide.This is not implying any type of feeling at the end of the day that’s something that will only concern me and maybe, just maybe him. All I know I am still living and pursuing my happiness. Finally going through all the obstacles alone helped me to realize than I may be fragile and emotional but I am way stronger than anyone thinks.

The trip previously mention was in December- January and since then I have been dealing with some other changes in my life professionally and personally. A transition period I would call. Opening my eyes to realities I didn't know because people hide it from me and  things I personally need to see with "other eyes" . True always comes out and I am glad it did because I am learning where I stand with every person as time pass by. Also, I spent amazing time with my uncle who came to visit. Beyond that I have met few good people particularly the last couple of months. There was someone in particular that really has helped me to question myself in numerous ways. I wont clarify whether I'm talking about a man or a woman .. not the point. This person has been the first one that has intimidated ever or in a very long time. Older than me and when we talk, I know that even tho this person may still working on the path that wanna take, has everything pretty clear. Have a clear set of goals and steps behind it whether it's professionally or personally ( family-friendships-romance). I like and admire that in someone. I am very happy I got to meet this person. I still don't know the complete reason why or for how long this person will be in my life ( a little while, long time, or life time). However, I am curious and excited to find out how all this will work out. ( Do not make conclusion only that person if he/she ever read it will know xD it could be a woman  who can end up being a good friend or best friend... or a man who can end up being a good friend or maybe even more.. you would NOT KNOW XD) ...Anyways coming back to the idea lol the last trip and the number three in the list will be the trip to me home country that will happen soon enough. Completely unexpected since after all  I thought I wouldn't go for at least two years but once again everything happens for a reason. I truly believe this trip will be about my present-future. I know I will take the time to make sure to figure out- polish the details about what I want for me professionally, familiar, and personally ( friends-romance). I cannot wait to have this new experience and see where it takes me. 

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