Bitter Sweet 28

According to my experiences, most people keep trying to portray a perfect life. However, I am not afraid to be the first to admit my life is FAR FAR from perfect. There are time I can look Chinese because of how hard I am laughing and times where I cry and tear up whether I have reasons or not.. it's ok. What I always try to do is remember where I come from and how far I've gotten. If I could go through the toughest time of my life by myself then I can confront any challenge life has for me. I have a very small inner circle which I love and appreciate dearly. Here are some of the lessons I keep with me...

1. Be yourself! Cliche? Maybe but it is true. The right people will stay by your side for the right reasons. Plus it gotta be tiring to pretend to be or act a certain way right? I'm continuously working on accepting and loving myself .. the good , the bad , the in between... working to be the best version of myself...
2. Appreciate the people who have been there for you 100%... through thick and thin. Believe me finding people like that gets harder and harder. Be grateful for that blessing that not many people can have. A lot of people may have an agenda whether you see it or not... Genuine people are in extinction which is pretty sad I'll say
3. Everyone needs their space and privacy. Hey! don't confuse this with pushing people away. Even the most loyal people can start putting some distance if you push them enough...It does not mean they don't love you but you have made them believe their presence or absence means the same to you -it hurts!-... then TALK TO THEM. Any "normal" person will understand you may not be feeling well or just wanna have some  "me time"  even they will be appreciative of your trust and sharing feelings.
4. Don't be so hard on yourself! Thats something I constantly work on this. I always feel I could do more or at least I wish I could for the ones I love. Which is even one of my biggest fears.. to not be enough for them .. to disappoint them and just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes... Learn to see every day battles as little victories - depending on what you may be going through-. Your journey, my journey will never be smooth .. That will be a freaking dream but life is not a dream. Your journey will make you tough. It may bring you to your knees here and there but believe that you are strong enough to learn and rise from it. Be your version 2.0 everyday for short and long term goals
5. Express how you feel! Mean what you say, say what you mean! Be brave! Opening up and being vulnerable its not easy. Tell your people how much you love and appreciate them not because they wanna hear it but because YOU FEEL it!... Life is so tricky so be happy you expressed them how they make you feel daily, monthly.. whatever you feel it is right but do it! A little " Im happy you're part of my life" can mean more than you think to the receiver than you could ever imagine. Now on the other hand, If you feel different about a friendship or relationship, be upfront! If you do care about that person, the least they deserve is you telling them the truth face to face don't you agree? You shouldn't be selfish and let them go... If they are meant to be your friend, parter, relative then BOTH of you will find the way to work things out and have a better relationship... You both will talk and start from zero. Easier said than done I know I know but it is not impossible Be the change! 
6. Tough love is not the same as being destructive. This applies whether you are the giver or receiver. Every advise should be welcomed as long as it comes from a place of respect and love. No-one likes to be put down when they are trying their best to be better but be conscious about your actions. Remember! what you do, your pain does not only affect you but you inner circle. Don't blind yourself due to the dark moment you may be going through. Don't get frustrated trying to get your point across. That person need that advice yes! but also need to feel safe enough to open up so both of you can find a better solution or at least find some comfort that things will be alright at some point. Having someone on your corner is valuable.
7. Start thinking on how would you like to be remembered. No it is not as dark as it may sound. It may motivate you to make sure you are doing what you need to do. Be the change and leave a print on people lives and souls. In my case, I want to be the person that will make other feel safe, respected, loved, listened, supported and appreciated. Will everyone appreciate it? hell no! there will be people who don't accept it, others will take advantage and even take it for granted. Therefore, it is important you do it because it's something you feel and want not because you are looking some type of award. The right ones will do give love and appreciation back or at least respect. 
8. Be open to learn new things at the most unexpected times. Whether it is a personal experience or someone else's. People I love the most are the ones who have broken my heart at the most unexpected time and given me the most valuable lessons. I also have learned from people's journeys seeing their strength too fight bigger and different "demons" and situations than me and succeeded. I'm grateful I met them because I have learned through them and with them. I was able to tell some of them I look up to them because they never gave up and always tried to best whether it was a hit or a miss... they kept fighting.
9. Patience. Oh boy I have learned!Every person has a different way of thinking, process and act and that should be respected as long as it is not shady or malicious. You cannot expect people to have the same heart than you! Therefore, patience and communication may go hand on hand some times. Let them breath, gather their thought and come back so you can address any situation. If you consider yourself a "ride or die" like myself, then be their freaking rock when they need you the most even if they push you away a bit in the beginning. Being there through thick and thin is not easy that is why those bonds are priceless. It is easy to be there for parties, holiday, laughs but it is more important to be there in those moments when that person just want company in complete silence, someone to hold them or just listened to them whether or not their feelings or thought make sense in that moment. Please talk  to each other. You don't have to share all the story just enough so the other person knows how to address any situation. You should't have to fight alone be fair to yourself if you have the support. Be aware someone may need you more than you know but they keep quite and submerge themselves in those nasty thoughts. Be empathetic even if you haven't experienced what they have gone through. Acknowledge what they feel and try to be there to the best of your abilities as long as they allow you too. There is so much you can do from distance...
10. Giving up...This one is not easy for me either. I'm fighter whether it is about a situation, project or person. I will try my best under any circumstances. I will fight hell and back before it is even a thought. As previously mentioned, I consider myself a ride or die so the only times I would take this path is if someone goes against my core values or if that person itself tell me  face to face " they don't want me to be part of their lives"Then I would respect that maybe just ask why because I do wanna grow from every experience and Id be gone...When it comes to project, I would give my best and be professional until the last moment as long as my team's work is not delayed 

Those are some lessons I have learned throughout the years and have been reinforced the past couple of months. I am sure they will not be the last ones. I keep evolving and learning every day, month and year. All I want is to be happy and make the ones I love happy as much as I can because their happiness is part of mine... Like me? Hate Me? ... I am just me...