My Person

 It has taken me over 3 months to be able to write this out. Talking about it is not easy. This has been one of the most beautiful yet challenging experiences of my life. 

People say that when you know you know and I believe it is true. I knew it even on our first day at Red Cadillac. He has been the only one that did not give me any anxiety. Instead he made me feel safe 90% the time. No relationship is perfect. For him , I tried to always seek for solutions and giving my best even it was not enough at times. He is my person. My best friend . Someone I could have a serious or silly conversation. Someone I could be myself even though at the end a situation tricked us. The perfect chef! 

Our relationship was perfectly imperfect. It had up, downs and in betweens. That is just life. We went through a few dark moments but we came out of them together. Some other memories so beautiful I can only wish to relive them again and again.  Funny moments, long walks, conversations at 2 or 3am about life and what we were going to do or even eating pasta at 4am lol. Plans and dreams. Laughing together and acting silly. The simplest things were the ones I cherish the most. Living a pandemic together and instead of arguing, it got us closer. It was amazing to be team and spend so much time together. Those months were like I was living on cloud 9. 

I have learned so much through him and with him. I wish he could see and feel the way I feel and see him. I have seen him at his darkest moments, even then I was able to see how worthy he is. Even at his darkest moment; he care and love me, maybe not perfectly but he tried and did. His tries I cherish and appreciate it until my last breath. So many moments. I keep in my heart.  I hope he realizes his potential. I hope he gets to believe in himself as much as I believe in him. No matter how many people reminds him his past trying to belittle him, he is passed that. He is going through a rebirth and his come back will be stronger than ever. He taught me accountability, strength, loyalty, vulnerably, and more. 

It is hard not to shed tears remembering him and what we have lived so far. God only knows how I feel, miss and love him. There is so much left unsaid but God's time is perfectly. I know he has a plan for all this. That is why when someone from his inner circle said " she felt bad about me wasting time on him" got me incredibly upset but I tried to control myself. I will never regret it. I would do it all over again. HE is worth it. He is my love whether him or anyone else believes it. It may sound naive but it is how I feel. If I could I would put him in a bubble so no-one will hurt him ever, I can't .. I know! lol All I can do is respect him. Support him. Love him wherever he is. He tried to scared me away but leaving was never an option for me. I was going to stand by him through it all. It was my choice and I stand by it. He is the only one I have ever seen myself ending up with. I can only talk about MY feelings. Now everything is on God and his hands.. the ball is on his court. 

I pray for him every day since I fall for him. For his health, future and all. The time I see him again , I will not be able to control myself lol Let's just leave it at that.  He is my heart. I know that if I wanna be there for him. I have to be there for myself. My healing processes started back in January.  I always knew that i I love someone and want to support them , I have to be okay first.  My love ones are worth of the best version of me that why I keep learning a growing each day. I know I will be okay no matter what it is next, but my heart know what it wants, what requires and what it is willing to give...

Let's God play it cards. I am ready...