Randoms...

Well, well I usually post deep thoughts that I want to take off my chest but this time around let go for something light... Lets share some facts about me...

1. Music was, is and always be my scape and best wait to express myself. It can change my mood in seconds.
2. The best gifts I have received so far was a guitar and letters... I still cannot play for my life lol
3. Neck and head (hair) massages are the best.. I swear I would fall asleep in seconds lol
4. The opinion of mothers of people close to me are super, mega important 
5. I RESPECT people who are honest about their feelings and points of views whether it is electronically and even more in person! Second one needs big cojones!.
6. My inner inca comes outs if you mess with people things I care about (love ones- career) or if you try to question my honor or even just call me weak . Don't try me! someone did a few years back
7. One of my favorite scents is jasmine.
8. Favorite flowers: roses, tulips and orchids
9. Favorite color: Deep/blood red, black and dark blue
10. I hate limbo. Confront the situation in a mature way. 
11. I hate crying in front of people but there are certain topics that will make me break down in seconds.
12. My taste in music is super weird I can listen metal, romantic music, bachata, salsa ,etc... but no house and staff like that.... I need lyric, passion lol Don't judge! I can feel it lol 
13. Gilty pleasure... Food ... Food is my soulmate <3 Biggest sweet tooth therefore curvy figure lol
14. Some things I learned lately:
• You cannot fix what you did not break. However, you can out some effort to  make things better the other person makes the first move
• Appreciate what you have because memories cannot be touched
• Love deeply and hard. Be there and say everything you truly mean. However, keep yourself grounded and understand you can only be responsible for YOUR feelings and actions
15. I love to spoil my love ones when I can :)
16. One of the most unique compliments I have received is that I have a genuine laugh and it makes people laugh. LOVE IT! 
17. Goals: make people feel safe they can be themselves around me. 
18. It is easy for me to say no instead of yes... yes are scary! It is open to change and so many things can happen...
19. I am not afraid of dying ... morbid yeah yeah... get over it!
20. I have been in love 3 times only . For me to say  the "I L..." phrase takes A LOT! 
21. I always have a smile in my face no matter what can be happening in my life.
22. I am supper silly after a while and feeling comfortable/safe
23. I don't know how to flirt... I am super direct - no filter 
24. I'm overprotective of the one I love or things I care about. Don't mess with my career or love ones that my inner Inca comes out lol
25. I always wish I could do more to help anyone I love who is in "trouble" 
26. I am a sucker for the old type of love...one rose, a love letter, a dedicated song or playlist ... that makes my heart melt 
27. I love to dance whether it is at a club or any room in a house lol
28. Having a family is not a goal for me but a dream
29. I cannot sleep with socks on 😳 
30. Dying to go to and do a tour  Alcatraz at night but I can't unless I have a travel partner lol I love paranormal staff but I am a chicken too lol
31. I cannot stand egocentric people that think they can do no wrong 😑
32. I  have learned to be a very patient person but don't get me wrong I see or smell bs and I'm out.
33. I have very very few friends . Quality over quantity. I love spending time alone as much as I love company
34. I express my feeling best when I write than speaking... I even tend to overthink at times.
35. I kind of believe I am sensitive... sometimes my gut feelings or dreams come true... 🙅
36. I don't enjoy being the center of attention
37. Favorite comedians : Gabriel Iglesias and Russell Peters
38. If I really want something,  I will do it even if that means I will do it alone
39. I do not know how to give up on people I love but there is so much I could possibly do if they push me far enough.
40. I tend to be jealous but for me to admit it out loud will make me lose my color lol 

Bitter Sweet 28

According to my experiences, most people keep trying to portray a perfect life. However, I am not afraid to be the first to admit my life is FAR FAR from perfect. There are time I can look Chinese because of how hard I am laughing and times where I cry and tear up whether I have reasons or not.. it's ok. What I always try to do is remember where I come from and how far I've gotten. If I could go through the toughest time of my life by myself then I can confront any challenge life has for me. I have a very small inner circle which I love and appreciate dearly. Here are some of the lessons I keep with me...

1. Be yourself! Cliche? Maybe but it is true. The right people will stay by your side for the right reasons. Plus it gotta be tiring to pretend to be or act a certain way right? I'm continuously working on accepting and loving myself .. the good , the bad , the in between... working to be the best version of myself...
2. Appreciate the people who have been there for you 100%... through thick and thin. Believe me finding people like that gets harder and harder. Be grateful for that blessing that not many people can have. A lot of people may have an agenda whether you see it or not... Genuine people are in extinction which is pretty sad I'll say
3. Everyone needs their space and privacy. Hey! don't confuse this with pushing people away. Even the most loyal people can start putting some distance if you push them enough...It does not mean they don't love you but you have made them believe their presence or absence means the same to you -it hurts!-... then TALK TO THEM. Any "normal" person will understand you may not be feeling well or just wanna have some  "me time"  even they will be appreciative of your trust and sharing feelings.
4. Don't be so hard on yourself! Thats something I constantly work on this. I always feel I could do more or at least I wish I could for the ones I love. Which is even one of my biggest fears.. to not be enough for them .. to disappoint them and just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes... Learn to see every day battles as little victories - depending on what you may be going through-. Your journey, my journey will never be smooth .. That will be a freaking dream but life is not a dream. Your journey will make you tough. It may bring you to your knees here and there but believe that you are strong enough to learn and rise from it. Be your version 2.0 everyday for short and long term goals
5. Express how you feel! Mean what you say, say what you mean! Be brave! Opening up and being vulnerable its not easy. Tell your people how much you love and appreciate them not because they wanna hear it but because YOU FEEL it!... Life is so tricky so be happy you expressed them how they make you feel daily, monthly.. whatever you feel it is right but do it! A little " Im happy you're part of my life" can mean more than you think to the receiver than you could ever imagine. Now on the other hand, If you feel different about a friendship or relationship, be upfront! If you do care about that person, the least they deserve is you telling them the truth face to face don't you agree? You shouldn't be selfish and let them go... If they are meant to be your friend, parter, relative then BOTH of you will find the way to work things out and have a better relationship... You both will talk and start from zero. Easier said than done I know I know but it is not impossible Be the change! 
6. Tough love is not the same as being destructive. This applies whether you are the giver or receiver. Every advise should be welcomed as long as it comes from a place of respect and love. No-one likes to be put down when they are trying their best to be better but be conscious about your actions. Remember! what you do, your pain does not only affect you but you inner circle. Don't blind yourself due to the dark moment you may be going through. Don't get frustrated trying to get your point across. That person need that advice yes! but also need to feel safe enough to open up so both of you can find a better solution or at least find some comfort that things will be alright at some point. Having someone on your corner is valuable.
7. Start thinking on how would you like to be remembered. No it is not as dark as it may sound. It may motivate you to make sure you are doing what you need to do. Be the change and leave a print on people lives and souls. In my case, I want to be the person that will make other feel safe, respected, loved, listened, supported and appreciated. Will everyone appreciate it? hell no! there will be people who don't accept it, others will take advantage and even take it for granted. Therefore, it is important you do it because it's something you feel and want not because you are looking some type of award. The right ones will do give love and appreciation back or at least respect. 
8. Be open to learn new things at the most unexpected times. Whether it is a personal experience or someone else's. People I love the most are the ones who have broken my heart at the most unexpected time and given me the most valuable lessons. I also have learned from people's journeys seeing their strength too fight bigger and different "demons" and situations than me and succeeded. I'm grateful I met them because I have learned through them and with them. I was able to tell some of them I look up to them because they never gave up and always tried to best whether it was a hit or a miss... they kept fighting.
9. Patience. Oh boy I have learned!Every person has a different way of thinking, process and act and that should be respected as long as it is not shady or malicious. You cannot expect people to have the same heart than you! Therefore, patience and communication may go hand on hand some times. Let them breath, gather their thought and come back so you can address any situation. If you consider yourself a "ride or die" like myself, then be their freaking rock when they need you the most even if they push you away a bit in the beginning. Being there through thick and thin is not easy that is why those bonds are priceless. It is easy to be there for parties, holiday, laughs but it is more important to be there in those moments when that person just want company in complete silence, someone to hold them or just listened to them whether or not their feelings or thought make sense in that moment. Please talk  to each other. You don't have to share all the story just enough so the other person knows how to address any situation. You should't have to fight alone be fair to yourself if you have the support. Be aware someone may need you more than you know but they keep quite and submerge themselves in those nasty thoughts. Be empathetic even if you haven't experienced what they have gone through. Acknowledge what they feel and try to be there to the best of your abilities as long as they allow you too. There is so much you can do from distance...
10. Giving up...This one is not easy for me either. I'm fighter whether it is about a situation, project or person. I will try my best under any circumstances. I will fight hell and back before it is even a thought. As previously mentioned, I consider myself a ride or die so the only times I would take this path is if someone goes against my core values or if that person itself tell me  face to face " they don't want me to be part of their lives"Then I would respect that maybe just ask why because I do wanna grow from every experience and Id be gone...When it comes to project, I would give my best and be professional until the last moment as long as my team's work is not delayed 

Those are some lessons I have learned throughout the years and have been reinforced the past couple of months. I am sure they will not be the last ones. I keep evolving and learning every day, month and year. All I want is to be happy and make the ones I love happy as much as I can because their happiness is part of mine... Like me? Hate Me? ... I am just me...

It can suck but it's alright

Nowadays everyone is so worry about giving the right impression about themselves or their lives- Guilty of charge at times...People think that they must be happy and smiling all the time otherwise they are not "living" or something must be "terribly wrong". Don't say how you feel, people don't care. Do you even gain anything from pretending? Appearances vs reality... I call BS!
I still don't get why people hesitate so much to show real, raw and true emotions. Why people just can't say "I'm not good today" without getting a gasp of air as reaction? Why do we have to pretend to have our lives together 100% of the time? The grass is always greener on the other side till you get to the other side.. isn't this true?
Life is difficult, complicated and twisted as hell. Some things will happen as we planned and want..others will just hit us in the face with the biggest lessons whether we asked for them or not... Growing up sucks but it can be wonderful at the same time. The trick is how you perceive things and what you do with it... Easy? Hell to the no! worth it ? Most of the time even after a few tears...
Every now and then, I try to stop and analyze what I've been going through. Check up on myself whether it is regarding something good, bad or in between. I will say is something pretty healthy I learned throughout the years and experiences. It helps me focus on what it is important and "have control of". I am learning how to express my feelings, insecurities and thoughts. Believe me it is very hard for me to open up even when I am doing it to someone I love... those vulnerable moments scare every cel in my body...
Not long ago I ask my dad what he thinks of me as a person leaving on the side I am his daughter. What he said shocked me... He said "You're a good person but you need to stop thinking everyone is out to hurt you."I was not expecting it but at the same time somehow I knew it... I've always put up walls to avoid people using or hurting me; but at the end of the day it may still happen so what is the point of stopping myself from feeling and enjoying the good? At times, when everything is too good to be true, I get so much anxiety because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop... At that moment, I lose sight of whats important which is enjoying that precious happiness...
Breaking the idea society has made us believe of smiling all the time and perfect lives is not easy. Perfection does not exist and if it does is boring! We are evolving every day, every moment.For example,  I choose to smile as much as I can and try to be positive and grateful not because I want people to believe "that reality"; but I want to have the perspective which will allow me to grow and learn. I know some days will suck like no other and if you ask I will say it " hey I'm not ok" " I feel like the blues" "I'm irritable...not now" and all those answers are ok. I am a normal human who feels and reacts to different variables. I acknowledge those moments. I feel them and work through them to the best of my ability.
Life is full of good and bad experiences , good and bad people... The point is to take the best out of each situation. Learn not only from what you go through but the people who are part of your life. Every person is a different world twisted, imperfect but amazing at the same time. Lets stop trying to pretend we can control "everything" because it's false and it will stop you from living the present. It is ok not to be ok all the time because it allows you to grow internally even if you don't see it right this moment...
At almost 28 (lets hope I make it lol hey you never know), I have to say I am blessed -not lucky- to have amazing people in my life who make me feel loved, appreciated and supported. My circle is pretty damn small but it is what I need and want. I learn not only from each person but with them as well. I will be there for them  during good, bad and the in between as long as life and they allow me to.I am grateful for the scars because they help me see from a different point of view and be more appreciative of what I currently have in my life and who I am...still a long way to go and I am as ready as I can be... Let's keep working on being the best version of ourselves not only for us but for the ones we love the most...

Twisted and Twisting

Nowadays twisting things are way to easy and common. As I was talking to a friend, I realize most of us assume things instead of just asking. Sometimes may be because we say thing half way or are so busy trying to read between lines that sometimes the actual meaning get lost. Each person can have different interpretations for the same message...Here are some of my thoughts

1. Being a nice, polite - a gentleman /lady does not mean that person is flirting with you. If someone is actually flirting, they will make sure you notice.
2. Not because they are family, you should let them walk over you. Respect is mutual. 
3.  I don't wanna lose people I love but I will not hold to someone who may be breaking my heart and soul constantly. Whether you stay in my life or not, its up to YOU whether it is because you wanna leave or because your action make me lose respect for you. No matter how much I may love you, if I need to walk a away for a while or forever. I will.
4. I know I don't have a filter at times and what I say may come out wrong. Believe me the last thing I would do is hurt someone on purpose but I try to keep it honest. I'm learning how to be more aware of how my word can impact someone. Same message can be deliver in a nicer way.
5. What you  do to others, it is what you enable. If you cheat, you are enabling  the other person to cheat on you. if you disrespect someone, you enable that person to be rude and disrespectful to you.
6. If you want to come back but you are scare of what I would say/do, don't be. The door is always open. It will be on YOU whether or not to make a move and we go from there.
7. I may whine at time but I will still do what I gotta do. I'm not afraid of challenges.
   
8. I may have gone through some tough situations but I was not born a victim
9. I dont show affection easily but I'm not cold. I just need to feel safe before I open up to someone even more if deep feelings are involved.
10. Men and women can be friend LEGIT FRIENDS! People think that because they get along great and even have inside jokes; something must be happening. NO! it just people who get along and have a good vibe. Yes sometimes it can turn into something else but it is NOT a must.
11. If you don't like something, say it! Do not assume the other person will automatically know it even if they know you for a long time.
12. People don't change, they evolve. That's ok! as long as you keep being you not matter what it may bring. Sometimes some people may leave and other will come/come back. That's life! Put your cards on the table. You stay should be appreciated as much as they appreciate you for being honest with them and yourself.
13. Lastly, I know it is hard to be bold in this world that pressure you to just fit in. Get out of your comfort zone little by little as much as you are comfortable with. Do not let peer pressure fool you into do something you don't want or are not ready to. Always do what it is best for you and good things will follow as long as your intention are pure.

Vamos 2018!

Hoy es un dia como cualquier otro pero con un sabor un tanto diferente. Hoy acaba un ano muy difícil lleno de retos en todo sentido y con una que otra satisfacción. Este si que fue ano guerrero como de esos que te preguntas" como lo hice?" y no es por ser egocentrico sino que de verdad hay situaciones en la vida que agotan el alma.
Todos sabemos que la vida jamas sera facil ni justa asi digan lo que digan. Este ano perdí muchas amistades o conocidos que jamas pensé se fueran de mi vida. Sin embargo, ellos o el destino demostraron que su ciclo en mi vida por ahora culmino. Amargo? claro, son apegos que uno crea pero siempre hay que respetar lo que el otro quiere así no sea lo que nosotros deseemos. Ahora también hubieron personas que volvieron a retornar lazos y por eso gracias. Porque aveces las amistades que regresan se hacen mas fuertes con el tiempo. No es fuerte el lazo que nunca se rompe sino aquel que a pesar que se separan supo volver a unirse...Salud por eso!
Este ano la familia perdió la matriarca que nos guiaba. Fue, es y sera un trago amargo para todos. El único consuelo es que no sufre mas. Se que eso no hace que el dolor sea menor pero por lo menos nos da un rayo de esperanza que en algún momento todos volvamos a estar juntos...
Retos profesionales hubieron miles. Trabajando horas locas y con muchas responsabilidades. Creando caparazones y sacando el carácter pues toca pisar cada vez mas fuerte. Porque solo estamos dando pininos y aun hay un camino muy largo de crecimiento personal- profesional. Veremos que retos vienen...

Por ultimo lo personal.... lo jugoso... lo que todo el mundo le interesa pues todos TODOS ya quieren saber si salgo o no con alguien . Si es si quien y si no xq , que espero? Pues NO sigo soltera pero el corazón siempre lleno de amor JA! No es que no quiera una relación pero es difícil encontrar a alguien con tu misma vision o algo parecida. No busco príncipes perfectos ni castillos. "Busco" un hombre con pantalones para amar, respetar y trabajar por un futuro... así de sencillo pero tampoco me desespero vivo día a día porque sino por buscar una estrella me pierdo todo un cosmo lleno de cosas lindas que se pueden vivir con amigos, familia, y de mas... No se si ese hombre sera alguien del pasado, presente o futuro pero lo que se es que solo quiero ser feliz y punto este o no desacuerdo con quien llegue a elegir...
Este ano acaba con unas heridas abiertas y otras que van curando pero definitivamente estos últimos días han estado llenos de momentos inolvidables con sabor a sentimientos encontrados. Vivencias con familiares, con amor(es), amigos, con mi gente. Fue lindo pasar navidad con mi familia después de mucha anos y saber que hay personas que me aman asi no me lo estén repitiendo a segundo( no me opongo si lo hacen jaja). Me lo dijeron en momentos inesperados y de formas que roban el corazón.
Gracias totales a mi familia por cuidarme, por esperar mi regreso cada vez con tanto amor.Por derramar lagrimas de felicidad y tristeza a mi lado. Gracias por las risas. Gracias por a ti por amarme a pesar del tiempo y las circunstancias. Gracias por las confesiones que me las llevo en el corazón. Gracias por darse un tiempo para verme asi sea a corridas o entre horas de trabajo. Porque tal vez quede triste al regresar pues quise verte(los) mas tiempo pero estoy agradecida por haberte visto, abrazado y ademas... Pronto nos volveremos a ver... porque cuando uno ama siempre vuelve al ser amado... Espero que en este 2018 llegue todas las bendiciones que necesitamos así no todas seas las que estamos esperando...Que benga mucha salud, trabajo y amor para cada hogar y corazón... Espérenme que ya llego nuevamente mas pronto de lo que piensan...

Moving on and Truly Loving

Do you think true love and move on can go hand on  hand? Until recently I did not think that was possible. However, my point of view continue improving by the day. Maybe it is due to different situations I have lived the past 4 years or just a matter of growing up. Now I try to see all the scenarios possible before making judgements and even after try to keep an open mind.
I am true believer that if you truly love (ed) someone; you will never hate them. You may be disappointed, disgusted, broken due to their actions but never hate. If there is love, it is impossible hate to exist. In my personal experiences, I truly loved in the past and even though that person(s) could have broke me in to pieces; I was never able to hate them.
After the relationship is over, one of you will be the one who "move one" faster. It does not matter who it is because what you or the other person will feel is almost the same. There will be jealousy and pain which is normal even though it will not feel right. That doesn't mean neither you still love or stop loving the other. Everyone just gotta keep moving.
Maybe the other person/you started a relationship because they don't know to be alone. The years will go by just because they comfortable even if not happy or in love. That will cause jealousy maybe you still not over or maybe it's just confusion. At the end of the day, you will know that if you truly TRULY love that person; you want them to be happy no matter how the relationship ended or where you guys stand.
YOU will continue living and getting to know new people till you meet or reconnect with "the one" Maybe the one, your soulmate, is the one that just broke your heart or maybe is someone completely new. All I am sure  is that you and everyone gotta continue moving and living what you gotta live so when the time comes everything with fit and fall into place.
Whether you are held on the past, stuck in a relationship because you're comfortable or just single doesn't mean you will not get a happy ending. This just mean your happy ending may take a little longer than "expected"
If you love someone, support them even if it is not what you want as long as it does not break you as a human being. Show and tell them so you  have no more regrets. Moving on is not the same as stop loving someone.  Most important show your love by loving yourself and being the best version of you so later on you can live that story with every piece of you. Give them the space they need to live what they need to and make up their minds. When they sure, they will come back to you and both will make a move whether it is to say "good bye for ever", build a strong friendship or rebuilt a stronger future together... Everyone deserve a second chance whether it is to reconnect or to make peace with the end...