It can suck but it's alright

Nowadays everyone is so worry about giving the right impression about themselves or their lives- Guilty of charge at times...People think that they must be happy and smiling all the time otherwise they are not "living" or something must be "terribly wrong". Don't say how you feel, people don't care. Do you even gain anything from pretending? Appearances vs reality... I call BS!
I still don't get why people hesitate so much to show real, raw and true emotions. Why people just can't say "I'm not good today" without getting a gasp of air as reaction? Why do we have to pretend to have our lives together 100% of the time? The grass is always greener on the other side till you get to the other side.. isn't this true?
Life is difficult, complicated and twisted as hell. Some things will happen as we planned and want..others will just hit us in the face with the biggest lessons whether we asked for them or not... Growing up sucks but it can be wonderful at the same time. The trick is how you perceive things and what you do with it... Easy? Hell to the no! worth it ? Most of the time even after a few tears...
Every now and then, I try to stop and analyze what I've been going through. Check up on myself whether it is regarding something good, bad or in between. I will say is something pretty healthy I learned throughout the years and experiences. It helps me focus on what it is important and "have control of". I am learning how to express my feelings, insecurities and thoughts. Believe me it is very hard for me to open up even when I am doing it to someone I love... those vulnerable moments scare every cel in my body...
Not long ago I ask my dad what he thinks of me as a person leaving on the side I am his daughter. What he said shocked me... He said "You're a good person but you need to stop thinking everyone is out to hurt you."I was not expecting it but at the same time somehow I knew it... I've always put up walls to avoid people using or hurting me; but at the end of the day it may still happen so what is the point of stopping myself from feeling and enjoying the good? At times, when everything is too good to be true, I get so much anxiety because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop... At that moment, I lose sight of whats important which is enjoying that precious happiness...
Breaking the idea society has made us believe of smiling all the time and perfect lives is not easy. Perfection does not exist and if it does is boring! We are evolving every day, every moment.For example,  I choose to smile as much as I can and try to be positive and grateful not because I want people to believe "that reality"; but I want to have the perspective which will allow me to grow and learn. I know some days will suck like no other and if you ask I will say it " hey I'm not ok" " I feel like the blues" "I'm irritable...not now" and all those answers are ok. I am a normal human who feels and reacts to different variables. I acknowledge those moments. I feel them and work through them to the best of my ability.
Life is full of good and bad experiences , good and bad people... The point is to take the best out of each situation. Learn not only from what you go through but the people who are part of your life. Every person is a different world twisted, imperfect but amazing at the same time. Lets stop trying to pretend we can control "everything" because it's false and it will stop you from living the present. It is ok not to be ok all the time because it allows you to grow internally even if you don't see it right this moment...
At almost 28 (lets hope I make it lol hey you never know), I have to say I am blessed -not lucky- to have amazing people in my life who make me feel loved, appreciated and supported. My circle is pretty damn small but it is what I need and want. I learn not only from each person but with them as well. I will be there for them  during good, bad and the in between as long as life and they allow me to.I am grateful for the scars because they help me see from a different point of view and be more appreciative of what I currently have in my life and who I am...still a long way to go and I am as ready as I can be... Let's keep working on being the best version of ourselves not only for us but for the ones we love the most...

Twisted and Twisting

Nowadays twisting things are way to easy and common. As I was talking to a friend, I realize most of us assume things instead of just asking. Sometimes may be because we say thing half way or are so busy trying to read between lines that sometimes the actual meaning get lost. Each person can have different interpretations for the same message...Here are some of my thoughts

1. Being a nice, polite - a gentleman /lady does not mean that person is flirting with you. If someone is actually flirting, they will make sure you notice.
2. Not because they are family, you should let them walk over you. Respect is mutual. 
3.  I don't wanna lose people I love but I will not hold to someone who may be breaking my heart and soul constantly. Whether you stay in my life or not, its up to YOU whether it is because you wanna leave or because your action make me lose respect for you. No matter how much I may love you, if I need to walk a away for a while or forever. I will.
4. I know I don't have a filter at times and what I say may come out wrong. Believe me the last thing I would do is hurt someone on purpose but I try to keep it honest. I'm learning how to be more aware of how my word can impact someone. Same message can be deliver in a nicer way.
5. What you  do to others, it is what you enable. If you cheat, you are enabling  the other person to cheat on you. if you disrespect someone, you enable that person to be rude and disrespectful to you.
6. If you want to come back but you are scare of what I would say/do, don't be. The door is always open. It will be on YOU whether or not to make a move and we go from there.
7. I may whine at time but I will still do what I gotta do. I'm not afraid of challenges.
   
8. I may have gone through some tough situations but I was not born a victim
9. I dont show affection easily but I'm not cold. I just need to feel safe before I open up to someone even more if deep feelings are involved.
10. Men and women can be friend LEGIT FRIENDS! People think that because they get along great and even have inside jokes; something must be happening. NO! it just people who get along and have a good vibe. Yes sometimes it can turn into something else but it is NOT a must.
11. If you don't like something, say it! Do not assume the other person will automatically know it even if they know you for a long time.
12. People don't change, they evolve. That's ok! as long as you keep being you not matter what it may bring. Sometimes some people may leave and other will come/come back. That's life! Put your cards on the table. You stay should be appreciated as much as they appreciate you for being honest with them and yourself.
13. Lastly, I know it is hard to be bold in this world that pressure you to just fit in. Get out of your comfort zone little by little as much as you are comfortable with. Do not let peer pressure fool you into do something you don't want or are not ready to. Always do what it is best for you and good things will follow as long as your intention are pure.

Vamos 2018!

Hoy es un dia como cualquier otro pero con un sabor un tanto diferente. Hoy acaba un ano muy difícil lleno de retos en todo sentido y con una que otra satisfacción. Este si que fue ano guerrero como de esos que te preguntas" como lo hice?" y no es por ser egocentrico sino que de verdad hay situaciones en la vida que agotan el alma.
Todos sabemos que la vida jamas sera facil ni justa asi digan lo que digan. Este ano perdí muchas amistades o conocidos que jamas pensé se fueran de mi vida. Sin embargo, ellos o el destino demostraron que su ciclo en mi vida por ahora culmino. Amargo? claro, son apegos que uno crea pero siempre hay que respetar lo que el otro quiere así no sea lo que nosotros deseemos. Ahora también hubieron personas que volvieron a retornar lazos y por eso gracias. Porque aveces las amistades que regresan se hacen mas fuertes con el tiempo. No es fuerte el lazo que nunca se rompe sino aquel que a pesar que se separan supo volver a unirse...Salud por eso!
Este ano la familia perdió la matriarca que nos guiaba. Fue, es y sera un trago amargo para todos. El único consuelo es que no sufre mas. Se que eso no hace que el dolor sea menor pero por lo menos nos da un rayo de esperanza que en algún momento todos volvamos a estar juntos...
Retos profesionales hubieron miles. Trabajando horas locas y con muchas responsabilidades. Creando caparazones y sacando el carácter pues toca pisar cada vez mas fuerte. Porque solo estamos dando pininos y aun hay un camino muy largo de crecimiento personal- profesional. Veremos que retos vienen...

Por ultimo lo personal.... lo jugoso... lo que todo el mundo le interesa pues todos TODOS ya quieren saber si salgo o no con alguien . Si es si quien y si no xq , que espero? Pues NO sigo soltera pero el corazón siempre lleno de amor JA! No es que no quiera una relación pero es difícil encontrar a alguien con tu misma vision o algo parecida. No busco príncipes perfectos ni castillos. "Busco" un hombre con pantalones para amar, respetar y trabajar por un futuro... así de sencillo pero tampoco me desespero vivo día a día porque sino por buscar una estrella me pierdo todo un cosmo lleno de cosas lindas que se pueden vivir con amigos, familia, y de mas... No se si ese hombre sera alguien del pasado, presente o futuro pero lo que se es que solo quiero ser feliz y punto este o no desacuerdo con quien llegue a elegir...
Este ano acaba con unas heridas abiertas y otras que van curando pero definitivamente estos últimos días han estado llenos de momentos inolvidables con sabor a sentimientos encontrados. Vivencias con familiares, con amor(es), amigos, con mi gente. Fue lindo pasar navidad con mi familia después de mucha anos y saber que hay personas que me aman asi no me lo estén repitiendo a segundo( no me opongo si lo hacen jaja). Me lo dijeron en momentos inesperados y de formas que roban el corazón.
Gracias totales a mi familia por cuidarme, por esperar mi regreso cada vez con tanto amor.Por derramar lagrimas de felicidad y tristeza a mi lado. Gracias por las risas. Gracias por a ti por amarme a pesar del tiempo y las circunstancias. Gracias por las confesiones que me las llevo en el corazón. Gracias por darse un tiempo para verme asi sea a corridas o entre horas de trabajo. Porque tal vez quede triste al regresar pues quise verte(los) mas tiempo pero estoy agradecida por haberte visto, abrazado y ademas... Pronto nos volveremos a ver... porque cuando uno ama siempre vuelve al ser amado... Espero que en este 2018 llegue todas las bendiciones que necesitamos así no todas seas las que estamos esperando...Que benga mucha salud, trabajo y amor para cada hogar y corazón... Espérenme que ya llego nuevamente mas pronto de lo que piensan...

Moving on and Truly Loving

Do you think true love and move on can go hand on  hand? Until recently I did not think that was possible. However, my point of view continue improving by the day. Maybe it is due to different situations I have lived the past 4 years or just a matter of growing up. Now I try to see all the scenarios possible before making judgements and even after try to keep an open mind.
I am true believer that if you truly love (ed) someone; you will never hate them. You may be disappointed, disgusted, broken due to their actions but never hate. If there is love, it is impossible hate to exist. In my personal experiences, I truly loved in the past and even though that person(s) could have broke me in to pieces; I was never able to hate them.
After the relationship is over, one of you will be the one who "move one" faster. It does not matter who it is because what you or the other person will feel is almost the same. There will be jealousy and pain which is normal even though it will not feel right. That doesn't mean neither you still love or stop loving the other. Everyone just gotta keep moving.
Maybe the other person/you started a relationship because they don't know to be alone. The years will go by just because they comfortable even if not happy or in love. That will cause jealousy maybe you still not over or maybe it's just confusion. At the end of the day, you will know that if you truly TRULY love that person; you want them to be happy no matter how the relationship ended or where you guys stand.
YOU will continue living and getting to know new people till you meet or reconnect with "the one" Maybe the one, your soulmate, is the one that just broke your heart or maybe is someone completely new. All I am sure  is that you and everyone gotta continue moving and living what you gotta live so when the time comes everything with fit and fall into place.
Whether you are held on the past, stuck in a relationship because you're comfortable or just single doesn't mean you will not get a happy ending. This just mean your happy ending may take a little longer than "expected"
If you love someone, support them even if it is not what you want as long as it does not break you as a human being. Show and tell them so you  have no more regrets. Moving on is not the same as stop loving someone.  Most important show your love by loving yourself and being the best version of you so later on you can live that story with every piece of you. Give them the space they need to live what they need to and make up their minds. When they sure, they will come back to you and both will make a move whether it is to say "good bye for ever", build a strong friendship or rebuilt a stronger future together... Everyone deserve a second chance whether it is to reconnect or to make peace with the end...

Is it too Late to Say I'm Sorry?

This post may be for someone , for some or for myself...

Have you ever heard the words " it is never too late to say you're sorry" and/or "it is too late to say sorry" ? I think we all have hear both at last a couple of times in our lives. 

"Sorry" may be a simple word but has a very deep meaning at least it should. For some, it is way to easy to say it making it part o their routine.  "Sorry" in those mouth has very little o no meaning. On the other hand, for some saying it takes all the strength they may have. 

In my opinion, it is never too late to say sorry only if you actually mean it. Take the time you need to acknowledge what, why , when and then make the move. What is the point if you haven't done that? well you will go down the same path, make the wrong turn and screw everything up again. Stop letting time pass by and making excuses for yourself and your actions, women/man up and say "yes I screw it up. I"M SORRY" . It may be hard but it will not only free you but may free the other person as well ... you will feel it..

What if it is too late? Well as preciously mentioned, for me it is never too late. Maybe it is late for the outcome you may be expecting or waiting for. If you made a bed, you will have to sleep on it. Maybe the person that you hope to get back already moved on or the friendship is broken for sure. However, one thing is certain, after doing this, you will never be the same. Why? Because now you are aware you have the courage to admit you are human and do something about it instead of hiding behind excuses like "I'm not perfect." Also, the other person will see you in a different way. They may even have respect for you because you are honest not only to them but to yourself. 

Now, time to talk about the most important and hardest "sorry"... the one to yourself. Yes! We are our worst critic and enemy. We tend to be so hard on ourselves without noticing. Stop! Embrace yourself and learn how to improve not only to make new and better connections with people but with yourself. You will have you forever till your last breath so this link is the most important of all. Apologize to yourself for not giving  you enough credit or for not being hard enough to the point you let your mistakes take the best of you, your life and the ones you love... It is time to make a change and that will make the difference between being truly happy and just be ok but pretending to be happy. Do not settle!

It is time for me to say I'm sorry...

1. I am sorry for not showing you how much I love/loved you and what you mean/meant for me
2. I am sorry for making you feel I doubted your love for me
3. I am sorry for not letting you know how much you hurt me 
4. I am sorry for not letting you in or not doing it completely
5. I am sorry for not speaking up my thoughts and feelings
6. I am sorry for not putting limits
7. I am sorry I did not give it a shot or second chance
8. I am sorry I don't try hard enough and I stay in my comfort zone
9. I am sorry for not admitting I can be sensitive and vulnerable.
10. I am sorry for...

If you want to apologize to someone do it! stop thinking about what the other person may think and JUST DO IT. That person may be waiting or needing it... Do it for you! Because you deserve to let that baggage go and be in peace...

Tiempos De Amores Maduros

Todos buscamos un amor pero cuantos de nosotros nos ponemos a pensar si estamos listos?Estas dispuesto a renunciar a tu soltería?Estas seguro de lo que estas dispuesto a dar o soportar por ese tan anhelado "amor?
De algo estoy segura, y es que nadie esta completamente listo para ninguna vivencia que puede- potencialmente- cambiar su vida sea para bien o para mal... Amar es una de ellas...
A mis pocos 26 años se que no busco el mismo tipo de amor ni tengo los mismo limites que cuando tenia cuando tenia menos años. Hoy por hoy busco a alguien leal, trabajador, romántico, buen sentido del humor y principalmente honesto. Creo que con esas 5 cosas se crea una buena base y lo de mas es cosa de complementarse. Posiblemente antes tenia una lista mas larga y/o detallada. Sin embargo, el paso del tiempo te ayuda a entender que nadie es perfecto y no debes ser extremadamente meticuloso pues puedes dejar ir a grandes personas simplemente por que tal vez no tiene esos ojos verdes que tanto buscabas o no mide 1.80cm como te hubiese gustado ... Son solo ejemplos tranquilos...
El tener una relación es una cosa complicada y simple. El hacer que la relación funcione atreves del tiempo y obstáculos demanda trabajo por parte de ambas personas. Por ende creo que es de suma importancia que ambos tengan metas que tengan correlación sea el formar un hogar, crecer profesionalmente, tipo de vida , etc.
A partir de esta edad uno busca amores maduros. Amores dispuestos a dar de si lo necesario para demostrar lo que se siente y hacer que las cosas funciones. Amores maduros que si hay un problema se hable y busque una solución...ya estamos cansados de amores cobardes que solo busquen  pasarla bien y nada mas... Creo que de eso se tratan los amores maduros de saber los que se quiere y luchar por ello y si hay dudas ser honesto....
Para mi eso es ser maduro, ponerle el pecho a las situaciones lindas pero mas aun a las complicadas. Tal vez el ser honesto puede hacer que posiblemente pierdas a esa persona que te gusta, atrae o amas pero créeme que aveces el riesgo lo vale. Ganas su respeto y eso marca. Por otro lado si de verdad sientes algo por esa persona si sea un 5% vas a querer lo mejor para esa persona y no ser egoísta ni perro del hortelano.
Lo mínimo que mereces y merece esa persona es que seas honesto(a) y tomar el riesgo de un nuevo amor o una nueva amistad.  Déjate amar o deja que esa persona encuentre una persona a quien amar plenamente. No dejes que la soledad te lleve a tomar la decision equivocada sea a empezar una relación que sabes va a fracasar o a ilusionar y hacer que alguien te espere cuando saber que tu no vas a ir por ese camino..
Es hora que todo amemos de forma madura.. pero tu estas listo a amar maduramente? o sigues con chiquilinadas?