Letting it Out

Well it is not something new that I've been having trouble sleeping hey by now that is one of my characteristics I think haha. Well after being sick the last couple days and been thinking, I just realized that I still have some stuff stuck in my chest that I need to let out one way or another and well I choose this one. Maybe the person(s) will read it one ay maybe not but at least it is out of my system and it is for my sake. I was just bored out of my mind trying to figure out what to watch, listen to or do and I ended up going through Facebook remembering good and bad situations in the last year. I am okay with all that happened but it doesn't mean I wouldn't like things to be different. For example, I would love to still have my mother alive but I know that's impossible. I still don't know if it was the best or not. I know it may sound selfish but I miss her more than I ever thought I would and thinking about all the stuff she will miss out in some level kills and breaks my heart like no one has a clue. I am strong and keep on going for me, for her and all but it does not mean it stops hurting. This is something I will have to live with for the rest for my life, an open wound. Another thing is that I "lost" two important relationships last year, the first one was someone I knew for years and thought will be there for me. Apparently, when people have shiny days they decide to fly away. Not the first time. I was use to it but it still hurts when you think your friendship was honest but it wasn't at all. I will always wish that person the best no matter what. The other one was someone I met and ended up caring and loving more that I thought I would even though that person made a huge mistake and I screw up too. But what hurts the most is that that person decided to change when I need it the most. Right after that my mom passes away and the words that person gave me were" get over it, you need to stop crying about it" My logic side will admit yeah that is right. YET losing a mother [ specially knowing details about it] it is very hard and need time to heal. I don't know if im over sensitive or people just have another mindset here. When someone needs me the most, that is when I will be there and not leave them alone. I don't know if they realize they did it or not. I don't know if I even want to know the answer after all it is done. All I know is that that really broke my heart but made it grow stronger. Maybe this is one of the reasons I don't easily open up to people. For me it is easy to say good bye than to hold on because of situations like this. Therefore, if I ever fight for keep a relationship, friendship or anything else it is because I truly care. I know I can count on me and just a couple of people who no matter what they are there for me even if we were not talking, they would find the way to reach up to me and tell me " I am here for you " and THAT means the world to me. Thank you to the ones who are truly there ! I will keep working on myself, expressing my feelings and letting go of anything that will bring me down. One step at the time. Peace out

Sleeplessness [ The Phoenix]

Another night that I have a hard time falling sleep maybe because my brain decides to have a little discussion with my heart and liver about the decisions that have been taken in the last 6 months. After my last vacation, the one I thought would be a torture ended up being exactly what I needed. I confronted the most painful reality which is not having my mother with me anymore. Being alone in my house helped me think about how my life has been changing in the last years where I stand and where I will like to get in the future. Analyzing myself and situations I have been living is not easy, well it never is. I know some things are not the way I would like them to be specially in my personal and professional life but I know that what is meant for me it will be. Cheesy phrase huh? what else can I do? I mean I keep on going trying to focus on other plans and goals I have had but still some situations keep me in a limbo which no one likes. I will not pressure anything in my life, not in a rush at all but also I will not wait forever to those things to turn around. I mean I will go with the flow as long as I feel it is right for me. Also along the way thing will fall into place.
Looking back I see how far I have gotten yet it still feel like it is the beginning I guess it actually is since I am starting a new chapter after finishing my bachelors. It is so exciting and frustrating to enter to this new world of professionals where competition and the survival of the stronger is the main rules. Sometimes I feel scared of not being able to accomplish what I want and disappoint my love ones. Then, I step back and think hey this is a beginning and no beginning is easy! Everyone including me will not always take the best decisions but the point is to learn from it and always keep on going looking for a better outcome. Try and keep on trying always giving my best in every aspect.
I know I am not the most expressive person when it comes to emocional situations. I haven't been born this way but it was my protection for so long that it might be a little difficult to brake that horrible habit. I am aware I have hurt people I care and love along the way. I am improving that side of me as the days pass by. It is not something that changes in one day, it is a process. Unfortunately not all people will be able to understand and support you the way you will like them to. There could be many reason maybe you reached their limits without having that intentions, maybe they care but just not enough to actually be there for you during the process, maybe its the way destiny makes you see they re not meant to be in your life, or maybe it is a process you have to go through alone. You will be the only one to realize that plus time will show you the way and of course those people's actions will speak for themselves. I have lost friends and any type of relationship because of that [ blood related and not ]. It is important I admit my mistakes but also the other people as well. We are in a world where it is easy to just blame it and focus on the other's mistakes, limitations and flaws that we forget we are humans and we might have hurt them too. So before you say something about what someone did to you, stop and think what you might have done to that person that maybe made everything worst than it could have been. This sometimes breaks any motivation you have to keep improving yourself because people close minded don't give you a chance before they are already bringing you down, then what's the point?
I have been trying to forget everything bad that happen in the past BUT keep all the lessons learn because if you are only focus on the bad side, you can not start from "zero" and give yourself or anything else another chance. That's what I call to be wise. I wanna keep improving myself which doesn't mean I will change who I am . I WILL NEVER DO THAT  Recognize your flaws and be able to work on that in a way that will help you grow and be a better person achieving a new outcome in all aspects in your life. My essence will always be the same. I will be that sweet , caring and warm heart persons who need to feel secure to show her fragile but strong heart. Yes I can be a little pain in the back, insecure and jealous but I will not let that blur the good that I have had and will have in my life or by my side no more. If I make a mistake, I will show how sorry I am and make it better and try not to make it again .  I will think before I act. Yet always pursuit my happiness and follow my heart no matter who agrees or disagrees with my decisions. Also be open to listen to advices from people who care about me and take them into count if I think they are right. That is what and adulthood is. Being a grown up and mature it is not only do what you please but do what it is right for you and people meaning thinking if you will hurt someone with your actions. If you will not like someone do "that " to you then why would you do it to them? . Life is a journey in which all of us are learning a new thing everyday no matter how small it is. Open your eyes because if you have someone who truly care but you are taking for granted, there will be a moment when they will be gone ( physically, emotionally or both) and they might not be a way back. Appreciate everything and everyone.
Everything ad everyone has a limit and before you reach or make someone reach their think whether it is worth it or not. If something or someone is worth another shot no matter if its the 3rd or 500th then do it s long as you put you heart and brain on it. Make it count so later on there will be no regrets.

Made in the USA [by D.L]

Our love runs deep like a chevy If you fall I'll fall with you baby Cause that's the way we like to do it
That's the way we like

You run around open doors like a gentleman Tell me girl every day you're my everything Cause that's the way you like to do it That's the way you like

Just a little West Coast, and a bit of sunshine Hair blowing in the wind, losing track of time Just you and I, just you and I


No matter how far we go, I want the whole world to know I want you bad, and I wont have it any other way No matter what the people say, I know that we'll never break Cause our love was made, made in the USA

You always reading my mind like a letter When I'm cold, you're there like a sweater Cause that's the way we like to do it That's the way we like And never ever let the world get the best of you Every night we're apart, I'm still next to you Cause that's the way I like to do it That's the way I like

We touch down on the east coast Dinner in the sky rise, winter is the best time for walking in the city lights
You and I, you and I

Say Something [by C. A]

Say something I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one if you want me to
Anywhere I would have followed you

Say something I'm giving up on you
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head, I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl

Say something I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would have followed you
Say something I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye
Say something I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would have followed you, oh
Say something I'm giving up on you

 

Master Key

I’m talking about the key, the master key, the one that opens all doors. The key that makes us cries when we forget if we ever love someone, there is no more loneliness. The master key can open the closest padlock, wake up the most asleep heart. It’s a key that will turn and turn till the padlock is open.

The master key opens the door of life, miracles and faith. Open the shackles to get us the chains that keep us walking. It is a key that makes us bold, daring. That key opens the door to rebellion. A key able to open the cell in the most secure prison. It is a key that can open up more rusty lock.
A key that open the door to an unknown dimension.

You’re looking waiting for me to say a big revelation right? This time I will disappoint you. I won’t say something you don’t know already. You know the key, you have it, and it’s LOVE. All you need is love as the Beatles said.  Bah, I actually said it but oh well, it doesn’t matter lol. Yet it’s true it is all you need plain and simple. Simple, not easy but s  It’s what you need to cross to the other side of the wall That’s what you lack, lack of love, lack of so much love in this world. Strenght your love and you will have a very powerful weapon. All you need is love, and of course a little bit of faith.

imple.