Letting it Out

Well it is not something new that I've been having trouble sleeping hey by now that is one of my characteristics I think haha. Well after being sick the last couple days and been thinking, I just realized that I still have some stuff stuck in my chest that I need to let out one way or another and well I choose this one. Maybe the person(s) will read it one ay maybe not but at least it is out of my system and it is for my sake. I was just bored out of my mind trying to figure out what to watch, listen to or do and I ended up going through Facebook remembering good and bad situations in the last year. I am okay with all that happened but it doesn't mean I wouldn't like things to be different. For example, I would love to still have my mother alive but I know that's impossible. I still don't know if it was the best or not. I know it may sound selfish but I miss her more than I ever thought I would and thinking about all the stuff she will miss out in some level kills and breaks my heart like no one has a clue. I am strong and keep on going for me, for her and all but it does not mean it stops hurting. This is something I will have to live with for the rest for my life, an open wound. Another thing is that I "lost" two important relationships last year, the first one was someone I knew for years and thought will be there for me. Apparently, when people have shiny days they decide to fly away. Not the first time. I was use to it but it still hurts when you think your friendship was honest but it wasn't at all. I will always wish that person the best no matter what. The other one was someone I met and ended up caring and loving more that I thought I would even though that person made a huge mistake and I screw up too. But what hurts the most is that that person decided to change when I need it the most. Right after that my mom passes away and the words that person gave me were" get over it, you need to stop crying about it" My logic side will admit yeah that is right. YET losing a mother [ specially knowing details about it] it is very hard and need time to heal. I don't know if im over sensitive or people just have another mindset here. When someone needs me the most, that is when I will be there and not leave them alone. I don't know if they realize they did it or not. I don't know if I even want to know the answer after all it is done. All I know is that that really broke my heart but made it grow stronger. Maybe this is one of the reasons I don't easily open up to people. For me it is easy to say good bye than to hold on because of situations like this. Therefore, if I ever fight for keep a relationship, friendship or anything else it is because I truly care. I know I can count on me and just a couple of people who no matter what they are there for me even if we were not talking, they would find the way to reach up to me and tell me " I am here for you " and THAT means the world to me. Thank you to the ones who are truly there ! I will keep working on myself, expressing my feelings and letting go of anything that will bring me down. One step at the time. Peace out