I am not sure if any of those people will read this but here it goes...
The number of people allow to be part of me and have access to my heart is pretty small. Therefore, the hurt is considerable when things like what you did happen.
You never apologized for you behavior. Instead, you acted like it was nothing and in some cases even victimized yourself.
Funny enough I did not picture my life without some of you but look at us know... complete strangers. At times, I even questioned myself if I ever truly knew part of who you are/were... You broke my heart and soul because I did care. I am not ashamed to accept that I even cried myself to sleep thinking about the whole situation. Maybe I showed and opened up too much, too soon or maybe not enough...
The betrayal and disrespect was indescribable and unexpected. At some point and for some reason I even questioned if I deserved it but who does? I tried to understand why would you do something like that to ANYONE and where you could be coming from. However, at your age you should have a better sense of accountability and consequences. You should have known better...
I was there. I never judged. I hold your hand through it all... I am not rubbing it in because first of all I did it because that is what I wanted to do. However, 1% respect is all I asked in returned. For you to be honest enough to confront the situation face to face instead of hiding ... Too much to ask?
It took me a little while to understand that it was not me. I cannot fight to keep any type of relationship by myself. I need the other person to care and you did not or not enough. You were not afraid to lose me so why should I? My care/love for you was transformed into appreciation of memories and lessons you gave me in the time shared. if you thought you destroyed me, hunny you did not...
The scars were meaningful this time around which cannot be denied. I have been so scared to open up to possible new friends or partner. I was second guessing people intentions. What do they want? What if I care and they leave again? what if the story keeps repeating? What if I am not enough? It did brought some anxiety until I understand some stuff. I focus on healing myself. I focus on loving and getting to know ME even deeper. I tried to find out what "mistakes" I could have made so I can deal with them, be a little bit more happy and in peace.
Caring too much and loving a person as a friend or partner still scares me- a bit. I understand that opening up and being vulnerable is not easy and that is ok. The pain you caused me made me stronger. Made me value more the people I have by my side. I know what I don't want for me in a friend or partner I know the type of person and behavior I will not allow to be...
Today, I acknowledge that I do not open easily but when I connect with someone friendly or romantically , I do care/love deeply and fast. That has been my strength and weakness. I am eager to know and connect to new people. I am excited even if scared to fall in love and be loved. I will express what I feel and think honestly and truthfully. I will value more the effort people make to be here for me, love and make me happy. I notice the little things more...
Today I am open to possibilities. I embrace me and what it is meant to be in my life..I am ready for what is next. If there is any issues, I will work on it. I will figure it out. I am strong enough to do so. As long someone is honest, has feeling for me but most important truly wants to be part of my life; we will work things out.. That is my policy for everyone... family, friends and romance. We will be a team and if that changes and you don't desire to have me in your life.. say it... I will leave respectfully. There is a difference between forcing things and fighting for something you care... I value what I have and will have as part of my life and me...
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