Love Note

Love, that special feeling we all want to feel and have in our lives. Some of us desire it with all our hearts but still hesitate when it is actually knocking on our door. We question if what we feel is true or our “imagination”, if it is the right time or even the right person. Sometimes the expectations of the story we want to leave takes so much from us and stop us from starting or restarting that awesome experience.

In my own experience, it was hard for me to express my feelings. I have needed to feel secure enough to at least start showing emotions because I didn’t enjoy being vulnerable.  I was not born that way of course but unfortunately for personal reasons but when the right person comes along it makes it somewhat difficult to start expressing your feelings since you are so use to not doing it. Maybe you want to do it but don’t know the way or what words to choose. In that moment what you want the most is that person to support  you no matter how stressful and frustrating it is, hey if it is for the guy, it is twice as hard for the actual person believe me!.

Another enemy is the false expectation! God those are terrible! Last week I was talking to my friend Nataly. She always picks on me saying I’m cold hearted but hey I AM NOT! I feel God people is so mean lol ( kidding) She loves romantics movies and the idea love being all pink and perfect. She wants the perfect guy hot, successful, emotional and smart. THAT GUY DOESN’T EXIST. Lol We can have our own perfect guy who may have the same characteristic but won’t be Owen Wilson. Lol I learn my lesson in my second relationship. Now I have clear what I want especially because I had it all in my last relationship. I want a guy who is ambitious enough to achieve the professional goals he has. Emotional enough so he will put himself in my shoes and understand why I am coming from but still if I am wrong he will help me see it in a polite and respectful way. Attractive on my eyes, hey I will be with him right? XD and we both together will motivate each other to be successful as individual and as a couple. Finally a faithful relationship in each we are in love with each other in every way possible.

I mentioned I had that right? Yeah I know why did I lose it if I had what I wanted? The answer is very simple because I was blinded by so many challenges I was going thru. There is no justification but I was so used to handle my problems on my own that I pushed him away when he just wanted to be closed to me and give me his support. I reached his limit and I hurt him and myself in the process. When I realized it, it was late. There was no apology for him to realize how sorry I was and that I was going to change. He was not the only one I hurt. I hurt some good friends and even relatives.  Since then I have been working on myself and how I communicate and approach people. It is a process but I think I have come a long way. I know people want to see the change immediately (such is the case of Nataly and her own situation – something kind of similar-) but unfortunately what we (the ones who made the mistake) want is to know they love us and will support us along the way. We ask for another chance that’s all. I don’t know about other people but for me it is easy to leave than to stay and fight when it comes to something emotional and for him I did it. It may not mean the same for you but for me it was big. It was the first time ever I exposed myself emotionally to someone. Being so vulnerable in front of someone I was so scary but worth it. I really don’t know if his feelings haven’t change but mine haven’t. I still love and care for him like no one knows and this even bring some tears to my eyes because how deep my emotions are. All I want is for him to be happy and of course I will love to be part of that every step of the way as his partner. We may be so different but the point is to use those differences in a way that we can complement each other and grow together and as individuals. I miss him terribly and there is no day that he doesn’t cross my mind but I tried to give him his space because I don’t want to bother him. 

Sometimes I day dream about the day he will be outside my house with a single red rose in his hand telling me he regret we broke up but understood it was necessary for us to grow stronger. That he wants to be with me and still loves me like the first time he said it or maybe even more. That these time nothing and no one will come between us and/or try to ruin us. That we will be accomplices and share everything so no one can use it against us. We will support each other; and succeed together. We will put in each other shoes and understand what’s happening instead of wasting time pointing out one of us.

If you love someone, say and show it before it is too late. NO ONE is perfect. That person may have made mistakes and you may be resentful but I’m sure you have done it too ( maybe without even knowing it ) The important part is to understand that love one and help him/her improve himself because that’s good for him and you care.  I know we want to wait for destiny to make it happen or the “perfect time” but if we wait for that to happen, we are wasting the time we could already be spending with that special one creating unforgettable memories. Be patient, respectful and loyal as you want the other person to be with you. NEVER do what you wouldn’t that person to do to you. We are grow ups and know what right and wrong so think before you can because every action has a consequence. Love and love deeply. Pursuit your happiness and fight for it if you have to BUT never hurt someone else or yourself in the process. Follow your heart because in there is the answer. We always know how we truly feel, what we want, what we are willing to do for that to happen.