Not The Same One

Three months ago i received a call that i was not expecting whatsoever. someone i really care about who was going through one of the hardest moment of his life. after talking for an hour or two, we ended up talking about the past. we know each other 8 years going to 9 in january. we talked and remember many things we went through together and individually. we talked about how we pictured our lives by now. it was incredible to see that what we taught we will be doing a 25 is not exactly the same that what actually happened. at that moment he said something that left me thinking for a long time - months- .
Back when I was 16, I thought I knew how my life will be now. To a certain point I even plan it out with times and everything. I though I was gonna be living in Peru. My career path was going to be medicine. The most important was that I thought I was going to be at least engaged or dating the love of my life by now. Yes I said starting a family was the most important thing... so what! For me, having a family has been always one of my biggest dreams follow by having a good career path. 

Life can change unexpectedly in just one second. My reality is that I am here at almost 25 single. Lost my mom. Living in another country. But hey not everything is bad. The good things is that even though I did not follow medicine; I have two majors. I have an associates in Business, a bachelors in Economics with concentration in business economics and a minor in Women and gender Studies. not bad right? Plus now I am bilingual ( not intended lol) Whether or not I met the love of my life will not be disclosed ;) 

I am not near where I want to be in my life - in general. But I am working on giving my best in every situation. I am not perfect not that I am trying to portray that. I know I can be impatient, extremely reserved with my feelings, emotional, caring- way too much -,. jealous at times (extremely rarely), stubborn, and have a huge pride. Hey hey before you get all excited about me listing my flaws. Let me remind you and I the good things about me - balance! I am caring, I forgive when I truly love, love to help, love to love. I am always willing to give you a hand if you need me no matter if we are on good or bad terms. I am loyal and faithful. The one thing I don't know if everyone will think is good or bad is that I am brutally honest. I never had filter when expressing my opinion or feelings but since my mom died, it has intensified lol Be warned if you ask me how I feel/think about you/ a situation, 200% honesty will come out of me. That will no change for anyone.

Going back to the story which started this whole post. I don't know how my life could have been if I didn't make the choices I did. There is no way to find out. I will never change my essence. I don't believe in "change" but I do believe people can fight against their own demons. You can improve and get worst. I know I have improve in many ways but also got worst. I do not have patience for bullshit. If you lie or betray me, I will cut you out of my life. Drastic yes but I wanna be surround and give myself and my time to worthy people. 

If you ask me if I am the same person who left Peru in 2008, I am not. The innocent and at times weak woman. The one who will do anything to get out of the "spot light" The one who will wait for someone to help her make choices. The one who will fight no to go out of her comfort zone. That person is not the same. I have jumped out of my comfort zone long time ago and I keep doing it every day or at least I try to. I am completely independent right now which I am extremely proud of.  So please never under or over estimate me. I am just me. I will not please anyone. I will always listen the advice of my love ones, think about and IF THEY ARE RIGHT, I will modify things around otherwise everything will e the same. There is a difference between listen to someone advice and changing for them ! Last and one of the most important things that change in me is that now I will fight for my happiness and my love ( when I am in-love) against anything and anyone. Not going to make the mistake I did in the past. Lesson learn at that moment and always. 

P.D if you ever want to send suggestions about what you want me to write about please feel free to leave a comment or send it through askfm/EstefanyHurtadoTrabucco [there you can send suggestions and ask question giving your name or anonymously]  :)