Catch my attention...

We all have talk about we find attractive in the opposite sex whether is between our buddies or in an "indirect" way to the person you like. After talking to my two closest friends these are some of the things we "girls-women-" find attractive in men. Some of them apply to any girl some of them are personal...You are more than welcome to check it out  x)

Physically & Appearance:

• Some taller than me
• Nice eyes and smile
• Light skin [white- white latino] ( believe me I'm not racist its just a preference)
• Normal body shape [not too skinny not too much meat lol]
• Knows how to dress according to the ocassion

Emotions, Feelings & Others:

• Someone who knows what he wants in life and will work for it [want to get far in life]
• Confident 
• Secure of himself and not afraid to show his emotions
• Has details now and then like giving you a single rose, love letter or any other surprise out of nowhere without you have to be bugging him.
• Faithfulness, loyalty, honesty.
• Someone who truly care about you and will be there for you when you need them the most.
• Ambitious without being greedy and arrogant.
• Problem solver
• Someone who will understand I can be an emotional mess. He will not only be my "wake up call to reality" but also a support in every way.
• He will have morals and respect me in every way [ believing in God and living his faith is a plus]
• Polite but he will speak his mind in a respectful way.
• Respectful
• Good with kids [ paternal instincts ]
• Someone who knows how to communicate with you ( Duh!) but also with the people you care about ( friends, relatives etc)
• Someone who is a little bit jealous [balance]. It is always good to know someone is afraid of losing you.
• Someone who can be random and fun!
• Someone who truly care about their future. There gotta be a point when you need to take it seriously!
• Someone who will answer maybe not the next second but will not make you wait for hours and hours.
• Someone who will not hide stuff from you even though it might upset you whether is something little or big. about exes or just life in general.
• He will care about his family.
• Someone who will respect your family and will try to have a good relationship with your relatives.
• Someone who won't be afraid to accept your feelings for you to anyone!

Self-destruct

Tonight is very very bitter night for me for many reasons that I am not planning to discuss. Once again I realize that my life is definitely not easy at all. I am aware there are bigger and worse problems than the ones I can have but don't get me wrong they hurt as much as any other problems. No one can say "my problem" is the worst problem but still some sympathy is welcome. I know there will be people who might be happy I'm hurting but I don't care. That only show who they truly are. On the other hand,  there will be people who actually care and will be worry. Thanks for caring!...After so much going on the last couple of days and a long talk with someone I truly care and mean so much to me, it surprises how someone can tell you are worth so many things but others tell you the opposite. I am deff. not perfect and I have never said I am. All I try to do is give my best to the people I love but sometimes is just not enough...Maybe I'm being selfish by having them in my life since apparently I'm not a good person. Maybe it will best for me to go away or something. To the ones I care I will always wish you the best in every way possible whether they decide to believe me or not. I'm truly sorry if what I have done is not good enough, I tried....I don't know how the future will be for me or just tomorrow or the day after. I just want some peace in my life; the people who love and truly care to be patient with me and just be there. I know some are and you have no idea how much that means to me...I'm guessing all this can be seen as a test for everything I am , believe and have. At the end of this dark tunnel, I hope I am able to see why this is happening and be surround by the right people. Hope I get to realize why I was born and I am still alive. There gotta be a reason why, right? I guess time will tell......I hope things end up the best way they can after all I just want to be happy as simple as that.

Wondering...

Mis Propios Fantasmas

Hoy es uno de esos días que me siento totalmente vacía, no recuerdo quien soy, ni a donde voy. Me siento  totalmente perdida, varada, sin una guía de a donde ir. Siento que soy espectadora invisible de mi propia vida donde ni yo misma me reconozco, ni se quien soy. Supongo que todos tenemos un día en donde nos sentimos asi y cuestionamos nuestra existencia. Me pongo a pensar en quien soy, en quienes me rodean , en lo que estoy haciendo conmigo, en lo que es mi vida y los factores que la afectan y  lo único que viene a mi mente son tinieblas de no saber NADA. Tal vez lo sepa dentro de mi, pero mis miedos quizas me cieguen, tal vez aun sea ignorante de mi propio destino, no lo se. Lo único que siento y quiero en estos momentos es cambiar de aire, olvidarme de todos y todo, aunque tal vez suene demasiado egoísta de mi parte. Simplemente, los dos últimos años de mi vida han estado llenos de cambios y no me he detenido a pensar en como me afectan o no, solo me dije " no tienes tiempo para eso, así que sigue, solo sigue". Supongo que como a cualquier otro ser humano ya me esta llegando la factura de aquella decisión. Me siento agotada, sin ganas de nada. Soy consiente que tengo muchas personas que me quieren y tratan de levantarme el animo de mil y una forma, y lo logran por un momento, pero luego el vacío regresa , las preocupaciones y miedos, sobre todo, empiezan a dar mil vueltas en mi cabeza, sin fin. Todo esto me afecta mas allá de lo que imaginan todos, creen que por mantenerme en pie estoy bien, pero no. Tengo muchos miedos e inseguridades, las cuales se que debo cambiar y personas queridas han acordado con ello pero, como? como dar el primer paso? Todos dicen 'ay no te preocupes por lo que no puedes solucionar, has que todo te resbale' pero, no puedo, no se como hacerlo. Puedo decirme 'esta bien, no me importa "X" cosa que paso con "Z" persona' pero, no es así, en mi inconsciente, estoy pensando en el porque y como solucionarlo, y tal. Control freak o masoquista? Ni idea. Ultimamente estoy intentando acercarme a Dios (no me importa si les parece bien, mal o hasta incluso ridículo es algo que me llena, da paz y punto) pero igual, se supone que como cristiana o discípula - vaya es lo mismo- debo tener fe en Dios completamente, pero no puedo, por mas que trato, no puedo, será mi naturaleza humana -pecadora no lo se. Lo único que se, es que quiero confiar en el, quiero poder dejar todo esto de lado y decir estoy "fresh", pase lo que pase, y disfrutar de la vida sin ese ciclo masoquista, dando un concierto en mi mente. Aprecio todo lo que tengo, las personas que siempre están a mi lado y me ayudan en todo lo que pueden, salud y todo lo que Dios ha puesto en mi camino, pero igual los miedo aun me persiguen como un  fantasma con asuntos pendientes. Espero llegue aquel dia en que pueda romper mis propias cadenas...

The pain never goes away

People say that when you lose someone you love, time will help you move on. That’s a lie. Time won’t lessen the pain; you will only learn how to live with it. It’s been 8 years since I lost my grandfather and the pain is the same. I still remember everything that happened, how I found out the news about his passing and the moment I saw his body lacking life. It’s like a movie well like a horror movie that keeps playing in my mind. Even thought not having him hurts like no one will ever know, I understand why he had to leave me. I know it was time to end his suffering and he is in a better place right now. There is no day that he won’t cross my mind. I have lost count of how many times I have wanted him to be by my side and give me a hug. So many times I have prayed and wished to see him just one more time to just spend a couple of minutes with him but I know no matter what I do it won’t happen at least not yet. Maybe when I die, he will be the one waiting for me on the other side or at least I want to believe that. The only thing that comforts me a little bit, is knowing that I got to spend as much time as I did during his last months alive.  I got to take care of him when he was at home and hospital. I don’t know if he ever knew how much he means to me and how much I love him but I hope wherever he is he know it now… As time pass by, I just hope I make him and every person I love proud. No matter how many years go by I will always remember everything we did together and his love for his family. I will always love you viejito and I will never ever forget you.

Love,

Your number one…

CAPRICORN

The Passionate Lover (December 22 to January 19) 
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy, but when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs in sports, especially Gemini's. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.