Dear you... ( a letter for anyone who left my life friendships/love/relatives)

Dear you,

I am pretty sure this won't surprise you because If you know me at least a little bit, you know I express my feelings better in writing than speaking. 

You and I have fallen apart. The relationship/link we had till now is almost ruin completely if it is not already. It happened not only for any problem we had but also for circumstances from the outside that we let to get inside. You know how much you can mean to me or not and whether or not there is-was-will be love. You have made me believe that the love required in any relationship is not there anymore or at least it was not enough to make and fix whatever went down. Therefore, I am giving up. I don't give up on you because I don't care but because you don't or at least that's what it seems.
I deserve to be surround by people who truly love me and show it through actions specially when the darkest moments come. I am tired of giving my all and not receiving anything in return not even a sign that whatever I do is appreciated. You know I am a good person but everyone has a limit and after so long you reach mine. We can believe it was time for it to end, it wasn't mean to be in each other lives or in the near future things will not only get back to the way they were but be even better. Yet how you and everyone says " time will tell". You know how much I dislike that phrase but I respect and accept it.

You need to learn how to put yourself in the others' shoes . To not only expect things from people but also do the same things you expect. Take the blame for your mistakes and not only blame the other person.Say things you mean and back them up through actions. Be there not only when you want to and things are good; but most important when everything turns upside down and is dark and fearful. Stop justifying your mistakes saying " nobody is perfect." Even though you are right about not being perfect, you need to think before you act. Patience is something you need to work on. Stop underestimating me, you know just a piece of my history and even though I do worry a lot or get stressed easily; I am stronger than you think and can handle everything that have been / can happen in my life. You need to not only dream about your future but also work on it and surround yourself with people who truly love and care for you. There are few people who are part of your life but are as fake as they can be. You are aware of it still you have decided to keep them close to you. End cycles that are massively destructive for you because you hurt your present and kill your future even though you might deny it to yourself and justify it to you and everyone.
I wanted to be part of your life and be there to support you during the good and bad moments.Yet now I have a new role or my role has been destructed. I already have said everything you needed to know but here I am writing this to take it out of my chest .I forgive you and forgive myself for anything that happened.
 Sincerely,
                 Me
P.D
Don't you ever say I just walked away....Anything you wanna say do it you already know how to contact me (if you have the courage to do it in person then it will be the best way but I am sure you wont )...

Last night

   Well since I came back from my last trip, I have been thinking about everything that has been happening in my life during this year- the good, bad and neutral-. I've been able to see how everything fall into place getting me where I am right now whether I like it or not...good or bad. One change after another that's how I would describe my life. Some of them have brought tears others smiles but what I am sure is that I am growing strong from every single experience.
   Last night was quite interesting after having 3 deep talks[ with 3 different people by the way]. Each one of them deeper than the other. I have come to the point that I won't complain about what can be going on cuz what will be the point ? If I want to change or improve something, I gotta do it by and for myself to see it happening. Wishing will not be enough, actions are required. Now I have many positive things in mind that I want to happen and will work for. As people close (or not so much) to me have told me "I am too good  of a person not to find happiness by myself and even more with someone I love and care so much whether I already know that special one or will know soon enough."

   I am very happy even though things are far from perfect and how I would like them to be. I am in peace with myself and know that I will work on my relationships with God, the people I love and myself. Things have started to fall into place which surprises me but again it is cool. Now just time to wait for the outcome and I know for sure it will be beneficial for me.I am learning to see things from a different perspective and opening myself to new things and experiences as long as they will be right for me and what I am looking for myself in every aspect of my life.Definitely I feel I will not be the same after these couple of week somehow a new me " is being born" Feeling determined to work on my goals and be as happy as I can be.I have my priorities straight. Time to keep on  going, one step at a time and enjoying the journey which is bringing things I didn't expect but are surprising in a mysterious way.

Fears

Once again having the same feelings. It feels like a Deja'Vu. Wanting to do and say so many things but the fears of what will happen stops me even though I know that's one of the reason why I am in this situation(somehow).
I hate it! it is so hard for me to admit the feelings I have and even more express them . Stupid isnt it? That's when I say I love, miss or care about you [someone], believe it cuz it is not something I randomly say or do just to be polite.

People advice me to do what I feel, to take the risk and do what feels natural. However, knowing I would be putting myself out there in a way I NEVER did before makes me feel 10x more vulnerable and scare.I start questioning everything [biggest mistake].
I wish so many things would be different but at least I accepted most of them because I know it not up to me no matter what I do. I just try to be happy and give my best. Yet, even though this " one thing" is kinda the same I still have hope what I want will happen [ I know it is close to impossible]. I'm not the type of girl who keeps on trying when it comes to "emotional - heart things". I remember when someone told me once and couldn't be more right, it is easier for me to say "good bye" than to keep fighting to make things work. Yet this time I've tried to be different and I am still not sure about the outcome.
Even though I know how much I care about this situation and the whole thing, I wish I get a sign about it so at least I would know whether or not to keep fight for it or just finally give up. I know the best thing will be to have faith and patience but I rather know where I stand for better or for worst.
What frustrates me the most is that I let stupid people win. As I said before I hope I get another shot...Hoping for the best, preparing my heart and all me for the worst...

La Verdad Sobre el Miedo

El Rulo Siempre Vuelve

Dicen que la vida es un ciclo, que todo lo que haces bueno o malo regresa a ti y aveces incluso incrementado. Un boomerang. Aquellos ciclos o asignaturas pendientes siempre buscan la forma de cerrarse para poder así dar paso a nuevas historias o capítulos.
En mi caso todas las personas ( excepto una) han vuelto de una forma u otra sin importar porque razón se fueron en primer lugar. El hecho que una o varias personas regresen a tu vida para cerrar círculos no es motivo para subir el ego de nadie sino mas bien sacarse el sombrero porque muy pocas personas son capaces de aceptar lo que sienten y mas aun aceptar que cometieron un error y pedir perdón/disculpas de verdad. Las razones por las cuales esa persona vuelve varían increíblemente desde aclarar un entre dicho, decir lo que realmente significaste para el/ella, decir ese 'te amo"que quedo en su garganta o incluso un "perdón/disculpas" que seria su cargo de conciencia a menos que lo exprese. También puede suceder en viceversa tu eres quien regresa la vida de alguien para decir lo que tuviste que decir y eso es de valiente ya que esa caja de Pandora popularmente llamada "sentimientos" te puede sorprender de formas inimaginables.
No olvides que tu eres el dueño de tu propio destino y cada decisión que tomes a  lo largo del camino hará que este sea mas llevadero o no. No hagas lo que no te gustaría que te hagan a ti. El karma existe y cuando menos lo esperes lo veras haciendo una aparición en tu vida. Aprende a perdonar y perdonarte. Y por ultimo y mas importante lucha por tu felicidad pero nunca a expensas de otra persona !

Stay and Fight

We could walk away from this mess we made

We could live along, set fire to this bridge and watch it burn

We can act like it was not even really love in the first place

We could throw out the pictures

And throw our drinks aways

We could forget the words we were too afraid to say

And I can't live with the mistake, tearing us apart everyday

We could live on the good just fade away

But I wanna stay and fight for you

Fight until my heart is back in blue

Fight until this is love is left not a single shred of the love we had

I wanna stay and fight for us

Fight like how before I give up

Till I'm the only one, the only one in love

I fight for you

We could turn off our feelings

And go about the days, put on the happy face

Tell everyone that we okay

And we could just say you and me were probably never meant to be

Or we could nothing than a memory

But I wanna stay and fight for you

Fight till my heart is back in blue

Fight until this is love is left not a single shred of the love we had

I wanna stay and fight for us

Fight like how before I give up

Till I'm the only one, the only one in love

I fight for you

Cause we don't the revive baby

Please just survive baby

If you know where I stand, then, I'll be away

Cause it'll never be my choice baby

To give up on us really

Women is so real you found in the first place

When you're the realest thing I've ever met

I wanna stay and fight for you

Fight till my heart is back in blue

Fight till this is love is left not a single shred of the love we had

I wanna stay and fight for us

Fight like how before I give up

Till I'm the only one, the only one in love

I fight for you