Fears

Once again having the same feelings. It feels like a Deja'Vu. Wanting to do and say so many things but the fears of what will happen stops me even though I know that's one of the reason why I am in this situation(somehow).
I hate it! it is so hard for me to admit the feelings I have and even more express them . Stupid isnt it? That's when I say I love, miss or care about you [someone], believe it cuz it is not something I randomly say or do just to be polite.

People advice me to do what I feel, to take the risk and do what feels natural. However, knowing I would be putting myself out there in a way I NEVER did before makes me feel 10x more vulnerable and scare.I start questioning everything [biggest mistake].
I wish so many things would be different but at least I accepted most of them because I know it not up to me no matter what I do. I just try to be happy and give my best. Yet, even though this " one thing" is kinda the same I still have hope what I want will happen [ I know it is close to impossible]. I'm not the type of girl who keeps on trying when it comes to "emotional - heart things". I remember when someone told me once and couldn't be more right, it is easier for me to say "good bye" than to keep fighting to make things work. Yet this time I've tried to be different and I am still not sure about the outcome.
Even though I know how much I care about this situation and the whole thing, I wish I get a sign about it so at least I would know whether or not to keep fight for it or just finally give up. I know the best thing will be to have faith and patience but I rather know where I stand for better or for worst.
What frustrates me the most is that I let stupid people win. As I said before I hope I get another shot...Hoping for the best, preparing my heart and all me for the worst...